BTS Eighth Member | The Life: Year 2017

Chapter 51 - Well Deserved Break

May 13th, 2017:

I gained consciousness during the night. Sejin had insisted all the boys go get some sleep and assured them that a physio would stay with me all night. Jungkook was absolutely devastated and didn't get a wink of sleep. Yoongi was still upset at Jungkook despite his walk and Seokjin telling him to think rationally. Seokjin had tried his hardest for Yoongi to realise that while Jungkook shouldn't have hidden it from me the attack couldn't be blamed on him. I was already stressed, anxious, depressed, and doubting every aspect of myself. That just happened to be the final straw. And anyway, Jungkook was already devastated and didn't need Yoongi to be mad at him. He was a member and in pain too and deserved support right now. While Yoongi understood this and knew deep down he didn't blame Jungkook, Yoongi was the only one who saw Y/N have what was one, if not the, worst attack she had ever had. It wasn't easy seeing a loved one just collapse unresponsive when you had been trying to help and avoid making it worse.

It was early in the morning now and we were leaving to go to Hong Kong to perform tonight. I was still quite weak and a stylist was helping me get ready.

"Knock, knock," Namjoon said as he crept inside.

"One second!" the stylist shouted as she handed me pants.

I was sitting on the bed, my head still aching slightly and just overall feeling very weak. I slide them on and the stylist nods for Namjoon to come in.

"How you doing?" he said worriedly, hands wrapping around each other nervously.

"Okay, still a little out of it," I answer honestly.

"Do you think you can perform tonight?" he questions.

"I... I want to," I say, truly unsure if I could. I felt like absolute cr*p, but I also knew how much money and time ARMY had spent to go to this concert and didn't want to let them down.

Namjoon's lips purse, as he looked deep in thought.

"I think you should sit this out," he finally says, "I know you're going to want to perform and be thinking of the negative impact not performing will have on your reputation and all that... but you need a break. You need to just have a pause, time to relax".

I just looked at him, knowing he was right, but also wanting to because of what he had mentioned. I was already a murderer, I didn't need to be lazy and ungrateful too.

"Y/N, you know you need the break," Namjoon continues, knowing I didn't want to perform.

"I need a like month's break, one day won't do much," I counter.

Namjoon's face frowns and looks away. I could tell he was fighting with himself and finding this conversation hard, but I also had to stand my ground to not come out of this a ruined person in the public eye.

"You're not performing Y/N, you're not fit for it right now," he says matter-of-factly without much room for discussion, "the group have talked about it, and we all agree you should relax. At least today. I'm saying this as your friend, you brother, but more importantly your leader. I hope you know what the means".