BTS Eighth Member | The Life: Year 2017

Chapter 104- Not a F*ck Up

December 3rd, 2017:

The boys had done so well at the Melon Awards without me. They won the daesang for Best Song of the Year, the Global Artist Award, and the best music video award for DNA. Yoongi had also won the hot trend award for his producing and featuring on Suran's song. It was weird seeing the boys without me. They'd brought a small cut-out of me, but it obviously wasn't the same. They'd left my spot empty for the performance most probably because they didn't have time to rehearse the dance in a different structure. During the Global Artist Award speech Namjoon joked that this was my job and he wasn't sure what to say. Hoseok during the Song of the Year award thanked Army and added "thank you to all the members. The passion and effort of all seven members really does make a difference. Shoutout to Y/N who's watching us in Hong Kong right now, we love you!". Jimin had shouted that they missed and loved me into the mic as they all left the stage. They all looked so happy and excited; I was so sad to be missing it. It looked like they were having the times of their lives.

I was in bed now, scrolling through my phone reading tweets reacting to their performance and wins. I should have been asleep but I just couldn't resist to see the reaction. A selfish part of me wanted to see people missing me, but for the most part people seemed to be really happy and excited for the wins. The boys' escort of Young for his solo award was already becoming a meme. I was about to turn it off, my heart aching to much about this situation when Jungkook called me.

"Hi?" I said questioningly.

"Y/N! Say hello to ARMY, we're live!" he shouts happily.

"Oh, hi ARMY!" I say taken a little by surprise by the energy.

"What were you doing?" Jimin's voice said from farther away.

"I was about to go to sleep," I chuckle, "have to be ready for the flight tomorrow. Congrats on the win! You guys performed so well!"

"It's your win too," Yoongi laughs probably shaking his head at my comment coming off as if it was their win only.

"I'm sorry I missed it ARMY, I'll get better quickly to come back and perform with the boys soon, I promise," I say to the live.

"We missed you!" Hoseok shouted.

"Did you like the cut-out?" Taehyung asks.

"I did, it was funny," I smile sadly, it was a good thing they couldn't see me as it did not reach my eyes in the slightest.

"I picked it out," Taehyung says proudly.

"Well, we'll let you sleep," Namjoon said sounding like he was the farthest away, "just thought ARMY might like to hear your voice".

"Thank you, good job today guys! I love you ARMY! See you all soon!" I said loudly to make sure I could be heard clearly.

"Bye! Safe flight tomorrow," Jungkook said before hanging up.

I sighed, letting the phone drop beside me. I didn't want to be feeling like sh*t. Their win was obviously my win too, but I just felt so disconnected. Going to Vegas alone had been the first time in the five years we'd known each other that we'd been in separate cities, and now was the second time in a month. I felt vulnerable without them, but even more vulnerable now with my injury.