Formula 1 one shots

Crying - Max Verstappen

This one is requested by verst4ppen. I hope you like it!

Listen to Chasing Cars by Sleeping At Last as you're reading this chapter!

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You sat on the couch in your living room while the tears streamed down your face. The music that you played covered the sounds of your sobs. You were breathing heavenly. Why couldn't things go right for one time? You just wanted to be happy for once. You covered your mouth as loud sobs escaped. No one was home, but you still wanted to be as quiet as you could. What if the neighbours would hear? Your hands shook as you laid them on your lap. You were so tired of everything. You couldn't do anything right; not at your job, not in your family. They blamed everything on you, calling you names, saying your work wasn't good enough. You tried so hard, yet you failed every time.

Because of the loud music, you didn't hear your boyfriend coming home. Max found you hyperventilating on the couch. 'Y/N? What's wrong?' he asked and rushed over to the couch.

You looked up and started to cry even harder. This was the last thing that you wanted.

Max wrapped his arms around and tried to calm you down by saying sweet things.

Your sobs died down, the tears still streaming down your face. You were so tired. Your head and eyes hurt from all the crying.

Max paused the music and looked at you. Never had he seen you in such state of sadness. It broke his heart to see you like this. 'What's going on?' he softly asked.

You let go of his embrace and wiped away the tears from your face. 'I can't do anything right,' you croaked out as the tears burned in your eyes again. You tried to blink them away, to stop crying.

'What are you talking about?'

'My work. They ehm...' you took a deep breath. 'My work isn't good enough. I can never do anything right,' you said, and fresh tears made it's way down your cheek. You quickly wiped them away.

'What was it this time?' It was the first time that Max found you upset over something that happened at your work. He knew how much effort you put into everything that you did. Your heart and soul was into the projects you worked on, but somehow nothing was good enough.

'Too many spelling errors. I turned in the wrong files and so on. But I never hear from my colleagues that they get that many negative feedback. I know feedback can be hard because that's how you learn, but this isn't giving feedback anymore. This is tearing down every single thing I worked on. Letter by letter then analyse what I do, and it never seems to be good enough. I'm just so done with it,' you sighed.

'Then find something else.'

You shook your head. 'I can't. I like the company, it's just the people.'

Now Max shook his head. 'You keep coming with excuses Y/N. You may love the things that you do there, but you can do that at another company. Do you really want to lose yourself for a company? If you would die tomorrow, they would've replaced you in a month. If you quit, they will replace you. And if you quiet and you find another job, you can start over. You can be yourself again. Or you can start your own company. I know how much you want to do that. But please, for your sake, your health and happiness, quit that damn job, because if you keep going like this, it's going to kill you. Maybe not physically, but mentally. I can already see that you're exhausted. You deserve better.'

You were silent for a moment. You knew Max had a point. You knew that if you stayed here, it would kill you. It was already doing so. Then why was it so hard to leave? Why couldn't you just say those two words? The main reason was that you didn't like the people, but what if that only came with it? No company is perfect. You didn't picture yourself working anywhere else. You didn't know what you would be doing if you weren't working here. Maybe that was the scariest thing. Now you had the feeling like you belonged somewhere. If you quit, you'd have to find a new place. What if you didn't? What if you wouldn't find that place? What if you wouldn't fit in anywhere? You felt the tears in your eyes again, so you stood up and walked over to the window, looking out over the big city. 'I just don't know what else I would be doing, where I would fit in,' you confessed to him as you swallowed the lump in your throat. 'I don't know. I don't know anything. I don't know what I want to be doing with the rest of my life. I don't know what I want to be as a grown-up. I don't have the time I had as a kid. We would all say, when I grow up I want to be a doctor. But I am grown up. I have to decide. People expect me to have made up my mind. Imagine, it's like a pool. Everybody who knows what they're doing is swimming, they have jobs, a life and maybe even kids already. Yet here I am, barely holding on because I don't know what I want. I just don't know, and I'm getting so tired of it,' you confessed.

'I didn't know you were feeling that way,' you heard Max mumble.

You turned around to him. 'Because I don't want to bother anyone. I know you care, but talking about my feelings just feels like I'm asking for attention or bothering you, so nobody knows that this is how I feel.'

Max stood up from the couch and walked over to you. He wrapped his arms around you and held you tight. 'Please tell me. I want to know how you feel, all the dark and messy thoughts you have. If you don't want to tell me, maybe you can write them down. I care about you, Y/N and I don't want this to destroy you. Because I don't know what I would do with you.'

You let out a sigh in relief. 'I'll try. Thank you. I hate talking about stuff like this, but it does make me feel better.' You looked at Max with a slight smile on your face.

'We're going to figure this out together, okay. I'll help you look for a new job, and if you want, I can quit your job for you.'

Without saying anything, you kissed Max. 'I love you,' you said as you pulled back.

'I love you too,' he smiled. 'Have you already had dinner? I'm starving. We could order pizza?'

A small laugh escaped your lips. 'Pizza sounds good to me.'