Timothée Chalamet Imagines

-Afraid Of Losing You-

Hi guyssss! How is everyone doing? I'm currently going through a bit of a rough phase which has everything to do with the pill. They've changed the version of the pill I was taking and now ever since I've begun a different one, I've been having terrible mood swings, depressive symptoms & hair loss and overall, things have been pretty rough. I know I'm definitely not the only one, so my question is: what do you do about this certain problem and how do I get back to my normal self? Would love it if people gave me some tips because I'm pretty desperate lol. Anyway, here's a scenario my mind made up about my boyfriend. I get pretty sad when I think about losing him, and now that he's not feeling too well, my mind just starts going crazy and I'm imagining too many terrible things.... recognisable? Probably. Annoying? Yes.

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Timmy hadn't been himself lately. His appetite seemed to decrease, his usual warm self now felt cold whenever he wasn't wearing three sweaters and fluffy socks, and the headaches and nausea seemed to get worse with the day.

We both didn't understand what was wrong with him, but he was too stubborn to go and see a doctor at first.

After weeks of begging him, he finally agreed to get his blood tested and I was more than anxious to find out what it actually was.

Every minute I was awake, he seemed to occupy my mind, but now that he wasn't at his best, my mind filled with possible scenarios and even worse; the thought of losing him.

''I hope it's nothing serious.'' I'd been saying this for the past couple of days and every time he would answer with ''probably not, maybe it's just corona or something.''

And maybe it was, which would obviously be bad, but not worse than what I thought.

When I started googling his symptoms, I landed on a page about cancer and the sudden feeling of absolute sadness came over me.

I was pretty positive most of the time, but that was because I'd never felt this way about someone.

When I met him, it seemed as if everything I'd ever felt about anyone else just vanished into thin dust and his gorgeous, kind soul took its place permanently in my heart.

The thought of losing him crushed me more than anything.

I felt tears well up in my eyes and before I knew it, tears streamed down my cheeks uncontrollably. He noticed immediately and came over to calm me down.

''Baby, it's okay. I'm not dying or something. It's probably just a virus. Don't worry too much about me.'' He smiled lightly, trying to cheer up the mood, but it only made me cry harder.

''I know- I know, Timmy, but I can't help but think about all the possibilities. What if it's not as light as you say it is? I don't wanna loose you. You're the best thing to ever happen to me and w-without you I'm nothing. What am I gonna do without you?'' I couldn't see his face because of all the tears in my eyes and rested my head on his shoulder instead, leaning into his warm embrace.

I hated how I was making such a big deal out of this.

I had always been an over thinker. Now that I've found someone I truly care about, it had gotten even worse. With everything I did, I was scared of losing him. Scared he would get bored of me. Scared he'd see I wasn't as nice as he thought.

But the thought of losing him because of sickness was probably even worse because I didn't have control over it.

''Baby, I don't understand. Why are you so upset right now?'' He probably didn't even understand what was going on inside my mind. How I was already planning his funeral and the words I'd say to him when his coffin sank into the ground.

Jesus, how morbid.

''Because this is the first time I've actually felt loved and cared for and I can't imagine what I'd do without you. You don't understand half of how much you mean to me and I can't imagine my future without you in it. The thought of losing you, in any way, makes me so depressed and I hate it. I hate that I feel this way and that I'm making this about me but it's all because I love you too much.'' I cried, almost unable to talk normally. He wiped my tears away with his thumbs and pressed light kisses to my forehead.

''No matter what happens, Y/N, I will never, ever leave you. Ever. I will fight for you until the end and even if I die, one day in the very far future, my soul will still be yours.'' The thought somewhat comforted me, but I still wasn't eased.

''I don't know what I can do to make that feeling go away, but I'm here now and I'm not leaving any time soon. Baby, even if you get bored of me, I'll hold on to you. You brought this upon yourself.'' The cheeky bastard always knew how to make the situation better, and finished his sentence with a small smirk and a twinkle in his eyes.

''...Okay. I guess you have a point. I'm sorry, Timothée. It's just hormones or something.'' He knew, of course. He'd been dealing with my moody, hormonal self for longer than I actually give him credit for, but the last few months it had gotten worse.

''I know, baby. Let's just get some pizza and watch a feel good movie, okay?'' I nodded before I gave him a tight hug and held onto him just a little bit longer and harder.

''I love you, baby. Always.'' He whispered while brushing his fingers through my hair. I smiled against his chest.

''I love you, Timmy. Forever.''

-

This doesn't even make sense probably lol. I'm literally writing this late in the evening and I can't stop crying. Ugh, I hate hormones...