Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
Yesterday, I caught the bus home from work with Rice-Boy Larry by my side. The weather was awful. In fact, it was so cold that my testicles actually froze to my leg. I shit you not.
We went to a small grocery store in my neighborhood. Usually, I cook my son five fried eggs for dinner. And I always serve them with a generous amount of hash browns. But he's getting a little weary of the same old meal every night. So I bought 1,000 grams of pork for twenty-five dollars. I also purchased some soju and a bottle of Kelly malt liquor.
Larry said, "You're pulling out all the stops tonight. What's the occasion?"
"You're the occasion. I'm tired of hearing you bitch."
"I don't mean to come across as ungrateful. But I've eaten so many eggs that they're coming out of my ears."
"Well, don't get used to being pampered. I'm not going to spend twenty-five dollars a day on dinner. That's a bit too excessive."
Anyway, I cooked the meat in a large frying pan while throwing back shots of booze. I've recently learned how to get drunk without suffering from a hangover. It's a real blessing because alcohol certainly takes the edge off of life.
I knocked on his bedroom door. "Food's done!"
"Can I take it in here?"
"No, you have to use the kitchen table."
I could hear him grumbling under his breath, but he eventually did as I asked. The meal tasted great. I used just the right amount of salt, and we dipped the pork into a bowl of A-1 Steak Sauce. It was good eating.
I said, "How was your day?"
He sighed heavily. "It sucked giant ass. My friends wanted me to stay at school until 8 p.m., and now they're accusing me of being an asshole."
"8 p.m.! What's wrong with those people? Don't they have a fucking life?"
He nodded in agreement. "I know. They're crazy. School is like church to them."
"Well, Korea is a Confucian society, so their diligence probably shouldn't come as a big surprise to us."
Larry took a large gulp from his can of Pepsi. "Confucius can kiss my ass as far as I'm concerned. I need to get some sleep. I'm freaking exhausted."
Rice-Boy is doing his best not to use the actual f-word in front of me. I told him he can curse when he starts making a wage. Until then, his language has to be as clean as Mary Poppins's sexual reputation.
I sat on the sofa and switched the station to Fox News. Donald Trump has been removed from the ballot in Colorado. The state supreme court says that he's an unworthy insurrectionist who is a threat to democracy. So in order to save the republic, this star chamber is taking away our right to make a choice in the upcoming election. Thank you, Big Brother. I'm much too stupid to choose my leaders.
One of the talking heads assured the audience that SCOTUS will overturn the decision. Yet I have my doubts. Chief Justice John Roberts is a real fucking pussy. Therefore, don't be too surprised if those nine asshats refuse to hear the case.
I eventually went to bed at 10 p.m. and slept like the dead.
