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I woke up this morning at 5 a.m. and drank a cup of instant coffee. Then I read the headlines on my smartphone while taking a nasty dump. A teacher from North Jeolla Province caught a student smoking cigarettes back in 2022. The child was given a reprimand for his poor behavior, and everyone thought that life would move on as usual. Yet that wasn't the case. Sadly, this teenager is still holding a grudge and keeps telling his peers that he plans on stabbing his teacher to death with a knife. The poor victim is so afraid that he's now wearing a protective vest to school on a daily basis.
I called my mom using Facebook Messenger.
She said, "Your Mexican stepfather is out taking the dogs for a walk."
I nodded in approval. "I love those animals. Schnauzers rock."
"Jack took a shit on his leash this morning."
"Well, dogs are filthy creatures. That's one of the drawbacks to owning such a fine set of beasts. You gotta clean up after them."
Mom took a sip of Coke from a large glass. "I know lots of humans who are dirtier than my pets."
"Really? You've actually had friends who crapped on the kitchen floor?"
She suddenly switched the topic. "Your nephew's birthday is around the corner."
"How's he doing?"
"OK, I guess. He's living with his father these days."
Sis finally divorced her husband a few months ago, which is probably a good thing. My brother-in-law is quite a piece of work. He was actually trading drugs for sex with the neighbor lady. It was the woman's husband who informed my sister of the situation. Currently, Sis is shacked up with a dude who suffers from severe epilepsy. He keeps getting fired from his various jobs because the violent convulsions rub his employers the wrong way. Man, she sure can pick them.
I took the bus to work and got to my office at 8 a.m. Then I wandered to Richard Hurtz's room for some pleasant conversation.
I said, "I've been scouring the internet for new jobs."
"Yeah? And does anything strike your fancy?"
"I can get hired at Waffle House as a fry cook without any prior experience."
He smiled at me. "Boy, you're really setting your sights a little too high. Be careful, or you might get burned by the sun. You'd hate to end up swimming in the Atlantic Ocean after your wings melt."
I shrugged my shoulders sheepishly. "What can I say? I'm an old motherfucker, and I'm not looking to impress a soul. I simply need a little peace in my life?"
"Peace at Waffle House? Didn't some poor bastards get shot to death in that restaurant just the other day?"
"Yes. In Indianapolis."
"A little caution never hurt anybody. You don't want to jump out of the pan only to end up getting consumed by the fire."
"You're a real fucking philosopher, aren't you?"
He laughed and laughed.
The rest of the day was pretty much uneventful, and I eventually got home at 6 p.m. Rice-Boy Larry left the apartment to play basketball with his buddies. So I cooked myself a bacon sandwich and watched Netflix. I also drank a bottle of soju by my lonesome.
What can I tell you? My life isn't anything to write home about, but at least I'm not getting ass fucked by crazy rebels in the Congo. Things could always be worse.
