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Yesterday, I woke up at 6 a.m. and drank a cup of instant coffee. Then I read the headlines on my smartphone while taking a nasty shit. A professor from Yale named Grace Kao wrote an op-ed explaining the popularity of K-pop in the United States. She says that Americans like the music and the videos because the stuff isn't oversexualized.
Is she right? I really couldn't tell you. I never listen to the stuff because I'm an old twisted eunuch. My favorite band is Pink Floyd, and the elderly geezers who comprise that group are currently at death's door. Nevertheless, Shine On You Crazy Diamond still holds me spellbound after all these years. That beautiful tune literally hypnotizes me every time I hear it.
I called my mother using Facebook Messenger.
I said, "I recently saw an interesting story about the homeless on Fox News."
She said, "And what did the journalists say?"
"Some of these helpless pricks are living in caves out in California. Yet people are complaining, so the poor bastards got ejected from their makeshift homes."
Mom stuffed a big piece of meat into her mouth and began chewing. "Serves them right." Chomp, chomp, chomp. "They belong in mental asylums."
"If they aren't allowed to live in caves, then where the fuck can they live?"
She shrugged her shoulders. "Not my problem."
"Henry VIII used to have the sturdy beggar law. Panhandlers who weren't disabled were hanged from the gallows. This enabled the king to eradicate the homeless problem. He killed thousands of vagrants in this manner. Is that the solution?"
She shook her head. "Of course not. I don't want to see them killed. Perhaps we could use our tax money to set up camps with tents and cooking fires. Maybe that would work."
"Sounds like a good idea to me."
I relaxed in bed while viewing the television. Three Americans recently got greased in Jordan by Iranian proxies. Now the warhawks want us to bomb Tehran to get our vengeance. But who the fuck are they trying to kid? We were run out of town by the goat herders in Afghanistan. So there's no way we could defeat the Persians without dropping atomic bombs on their asses.
The Dragon Lady walked into my room. Her eyes had an angry glaze. "You must go to store."
"I must go to store? Why?"
"We need da cooking papah."
"The cooking paper?"
"Eet papah cover in siricone. Dat way it not catch fire in da oven."
I put on my clothes and did as she asked. I bought something called oil paper. It was the closet thing I could find to what she was looking for. Needless to say, she was not too pleased with my effort.
"Dis papah is shit. Eet da oir papah. Eet onry good when you fly da food."
"That's all they had, so you'll have to make it work."
"Asshoe!"
The Dragon Lady has been in my house for less than a week, and I've already spent five-hundred dollars. She's an expensive piece of ass.
I went back to my room and watched several episodes of The Sopranos. I'm on the part where Tony keeps asking questions about Ralph's sex life. Ralph is a masochist who enjoys being sexually tortured by women. For instance, he likes it when they fuck him in the ass with rubber dicks. He also gets excited when his girlfriends drip hot candle wax onto his testicles. The guy's a freak.
At 11 p.m., it was time for porno. My favorite video involved a well-hung white man getting group humped by four ebony ladies. I really had a good time.
