A Fool in Korea

Work, Work, Work

Yesterday, I was drowning in a sea of work. So I spent the entire day laboring like a slave in the fields. And it was the worst form of toil. I had to spend hour after hour in front of a computer screen, typing bullshit into various online forms. You know what I mean. Crossing the t's and dotting the i's. 

My buddy Richard Hurtz stopped by to visit. He had a giant mug of coffee in his hand.

He said, "What are you doing?"

"Filling in forms that nobody will ever read."

"I finished all that crap yesterday. I was up till two in the morning getting it done."

"Two in the morning?" I let out a giant sigh. "I don't know how you can function with no sleep. It would kill me."

He took a sip from his mug. "Well, I'm still young and strong."

I nodded. "You're a giant of a man. It's probably wonderful being seven-feet tall. Did you ever play basketball?"

"People always ask me that same question over and over. And I did enjoy the sport when I was in high school. But I never had the talent to play on the college level."

"That surprises me. I always see you dunking the basketball with ease."

He shrugged his shoulders. "Lots of folk can dunk a basketball. Yet there's more to the game than that."

I changed the subject. "All this mindless toil is killing me. I can hear the Waffle House calling my name."

"Toil? What are you talking about?"

"This!" I pointed at my computer screen and keyboard. "I'm too ancient to be a master of technology. I'm old school."

He laughed out loud. "You act like you're digging a hole in the desert heat. Things could definitely be a lot worse. It's like you told me a million times. At least we weren't born in Djibouti."

"That's true. We should always look on the bright side."

I got home at 6 p.m. and cooked dinner. I prepared two bacon sandwiches and a plate of French fries. The food tasted pretty damn good. I washed the vittles down with a big glass of generic cola. I'm a broke dead dick, so I can't afford the good stuff.

A lot of stuff in Korea is actually pretty damn expensive. Did you assholes know that a watermelon will cost you twenty bucks in this neck of the woods? I shit you not. In China, on the other hand, you can get one for three dollars.

Anyway, I sat on the sofa and watched several episodes of The Sopranos. Tony's sister is in town, and she's dating a shady sadistic gangster named Richie Aprile. She keeps telling the guy that he should take down her brother in order to be the boss of the family. Her name is Janice, and she's a downright disgusting human being.

Later that night, I walked to my bedroom and viewed porn for an hour or two. My favorite videos featured an ebony babe named Jada Fire. Jada has nipples the size of silver dollars, and her antics really turned me on.

I woke up at 6 a.m. and drank a cup of instant coffee. Then I read the headlines on my smartphone while taking a nasty shit. A forty-three-year-old man from the city of Incheon committed his father to an insane asylum. The court, however, said it was a case of false imprisonment and sentenced the son to 18 months in prison for lying to the authorities about the geezer's mental state.

I eventually caught the bus to work. It was time to start the day.