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Yesterday, I woke up at 5 a.m. and drank a cup of instant coffee. Then I read the headlines on my smartphone while taking a nasty shit. In 2019, Reverend Lee Dong-hwan of the Korean Methodist Church drove to the city of Incheon in order to visit the annual Queer Festival. While he was there, he took it upon himself to bless all the sodomites in attendance, affirming their alternative lifestyles with a wave of his magic hands. Well, this displeased many Koreans, so the bigwigs in his congregation decided to kick the pastor to the curb. He has now been officially defrocked. The poor guy is only 43 years old.
I called my mother using Facebook Messenger.
I said, "I sent Chicken Ken a message through social media, but he no longer speaks to me."
She said, "What did you want to talk to him about?"
"It was recently International Son's Day, and I told him that his birth was a blessing in my life."
"He's angry because you're still married to his mother." She paused for dramatic effect. "He hates that woman with a passion."
I emitted a loud groan. "How did everything get so fucked up?"
"Don't be so naïve. You married a loon, and now you're paying the price for your decision."
I smiled at her. "Are you fucking kidding me? If I hadn't of married her, he would have never been born. Therefore, he should thank God that I'm an idiot instead of holding a grudge."
"Nobody said that you were stupid. You simply fail to think things through from time to time."
"Anyway, tell him I said hello."
Mom took a sip of cola. "I've never even heard of International Son's Day. When did this happen?"
I shrugged my shoulders. "I'm not sure. It must be something new."
I took a quick shower and dried off with a tiny towel. In my humble abode, we don't have any beach towels. Therefore, we are forced to dry ourselves with oversized washcloths. After that, I cooked breakfast for Rice-Boy Larry. I made him eggs and toast. My fucking bacon is still missing in action.
I patted him on the back as he was shoving food down his fat face.
I said, "I want you to have a good time today. Screw your grades. Life is too short to be miserable."
"OK. I'll do my best."
"Why don't you try smiling at the ladies. There are a lot of hotties who attend your school."
He sneered at me. "I'm not a homosexual."
I raised both my hands in a sign of surrender. "Who said that you're a homosexual?"
"I'm a loser with the opposite sex, but I find them attractive."
"You and me both. Like father like son."
I stepped into the cold morning air and caught the bus to work. I eventually made it to my office by 7:30 a.m. I've been reading a story called The Adventure of the Speckled Band with my high school students. I always thought that I hated Sherlock Holmes and Mr. Watson, yet I'm really enjoying the tale. Spoiler alert! The antagonist is using a venomous snake to kill his victims.
Anyway, my day at work was pleasant, and I returned to my humble abode at 6 p.m. I vacuumed the apartment for thirty minutes before making myself a couple of egg sandwiches. Then I sat on my butt and watched Netflix until it was time to go to bed. Things could be worse. At least I'm not getting ass raped by angry savages in the Congo.
