A Fool in Korea

Taxes

I have a friend named Ronny. He's a Korean-American from Chicago who works in Seoul as a tech guru. He's a smart dude.

Yesterday, he took me for lunch to an all-you-can-eat barbecue buffet. The customers bring the meat to their tables and grill it by themselves. The food was delicious.

We struck up a conversation as we joyfully stuffed our faces.

He said, "How's Rice-Boy Larry been doing?"

"OK. He's on a field trip, so he won't be home for another nine or ten days."

"Is he having a good time?"

"Probably not."

He shot me a puzzled glance. "Probably not?"

I smiled at him. "Larry didn't want to go. But he's biting the bullet and showing solidarity toward his classmates."

"How come he didn't want to go?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "I have no idea. I guess it's not his scene."

Ronny suddenly started asking about the Dragon Lady. "Any word from your wife?"

I shook my head. "Not a peep. She's just doing her thing."

"Are you going to reconcile?"

I sighed heavily. "I certainly hope not."

"Twenty-five years is a long time to be together. It would be a shame to throw it all away at this stage in your life."

"Only time will tell. But what I really want to do is go back to America and get some bullshit job."

He popped some pork into his mouth and chewed. Then he made a yummy sound. "Why does it have to be a bullshit job? You could always go teach high school again. You're educated and certified."

I shot him the stink eye. "Fuck that shit. I'm simply not up to the task anymore."

"Well, don't forget to pay your Korean taxes, or they won't let you on the plane."

"I don't owe the Korean government any money. In fact, I always get a rebate."

He began chewing on a pork bone. "Yes, but you still have to file your taxes. Failure to do so is a crime."

"It's a real pain in the ass. My wife used to help me with that shit. Now I'll have to figure out how to do it myself."

As a foreigner in Korea, I have a tax ID. And all my information has been downloaded onto a USB. But here's the problem. The Dragon Lady is in possession of this USB, and I have no way of getting it back from her. So that means that I'll have to hump it to the bank when Rice-Boy returns in order to get a new Tax ID. Don't get me wrong. It's not the end of the world. Rather, it's merely another hurdle that I will have to navigate.

I got back to my apartment at 4 p.m. and played computer games for a couple of hours. Medieval Total War is a great way to kill time. I always choose the Danes. My first step? I conquer Sweden and Norway before assailing Ireland. I always have a good time.

After that, I watched a couple episodes of Wentworth on Netflix. One of the most annoying characters on the show is named Liz Birdsworth. She's a hapless old bitch who is always snitching on the other inmates. They bash her from time to time, yet she perpetually fails to learn her lesson.

At 11 p.m., I went to my room and viewed porno for a couple of hours. My favorite videos featured Buffy Davis and Tanya Foxx. They're both a couple of tramps who really seem to enjoy sex. Their enthusiasm turns me on.

I finally dozed off at one a.m. I slept like the dead.