Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
Yesterday, I woke up at 6 a.m. and drank a cup of instant coffee. Then I read the headlines on my smartphone while taking a nasty shit. A British exchange student relocated to the peninsula to study the Korean language at one of the many universities which dot the city of Seoul. However, she soon drew the attention of a lonely Korean man in his 20s. This poor bastard stalked her day and night, prompting her to report his disturbing behavior to the police. Anyway, the shit finally hit the fan when he sprayed flammable material on her face and ignited it with a lighter. After that, he went ahead and killed himself. Man! The things we do for love.
I called my mother using Facebook Messenger. She was shopping at Walmart for groceries, and Chicken Ken was helping her out.
She said, "The prices are insane."
I nodded. "I believe you."
"I bought a little bit of cod and salmon, and the sons-of-bitches want thirty dollars."
"It's inflation. Soon, the man behind the curtain will raise interest rates again."
Mom took a sip of water from a clear plastic bottle. "Who the fuck is the man behind the curtain."
"His name is Jerome Powell, and he's the most powerful douchebag in the world."
"Well, he needs to get this shit under control, or pretty soon I won't be able to afford my dinner."
I walked to the kitchen and ate breakfast. I had three jelly donuts and a glass of generic cola. The meal went down nice and smooth. Then I caught the bus to work. It was an uneventful ride, and I got to my office at 8 a.m.
Richard Hurtz stopped by for a chat. "I'm starting a football camp on Friday, and your son sent me an email."
"Do you mean soccer?"
He laughed at my words. "You Yanks call it soccer. But everyone in the civilized world uses the term football. It's only the most popular sport in the world."
"I had no idea that Larry even likes the game."
He let out a heavy sigh. "I've got some bad news. Your boy signed up too late for the camp, so I can't accept him. If I bend the rules, then I'll have to do it for all the other assholes. And soon there will be anarchy."
I shrugged my shoulders. "That's OK. He'll get over it."
"I hate being such a prick. But I have to draw the line somewhere. It's important for a man to establish borders, or he becomes nothing but a slave."
"You wanna know something?"
"What?"
"I completely agree. Larry needs to follow the proper protocol just like everybody else."
He patted me on the back and left the room.
My day at work was pretty horrible. I'm currently drowning in mindless tasks. Then my fucking internet went kaput. So I had to hound people in the office in order to get the problem solved. They sent a repairman right after lunch, and he replaced the Ethernet portal in the wall in no-time flat. Wham, bam, thank you ma'am. It was impressive to witness his mad skills.
I eventually got home at 6 p.m. and made myself a bacon sandwich. It tasted wonderful. After that, I sat on the sofa and viewed Netflix for a couple hours. I felt like a zombie.
I just want to say one thing before I go. Some of you have been leaving racist comments, and I'm not here to judge you. Every man is free to believe what he wants. However, Wattpad might cancel my blog if I start getting complaints. So if your words are offensive, then I'm forced to delete them. Don't take it personally.
