A Fool in Korea

Chicken House

Yesterday, I went to church with my son. The pastor is still reading from the Book of Isaiah. In this particular chapter, God promises his people that he won't be angry forever because he's sending a king to set things straight. And we all know who that king is. Yes, that's correct. Jesus Christ. 

It's amazing that Isaiah lived 700 years before the birth of our savior. He was a prophet who truly understood the will of the Lord. Did you assholes know that Isaiah was actually sawn in half by King Manasseh? Manasseh got pissed because Isaiah was speaking truth to power. There's a lesson there somewhere.

After the service, we joined our small congregation for coffee and snacks. Suddenly, the lead pastor of the entire church came strolling toward our table. He was wearing an expensive suit and smiled warmly in our direction.

I stood up and politely gave him the two-handed shake. In Korea, there are all kinds of rules. If a guy is older than you or has a higher-than-average social position, then you should place your left hand on your chest while shaking his hand. If you fail to do so, it looks bad. The person might think that you're being rude.

Anyway, Rice-Boy Larry failed to follow protocol. He shook the man's hand like an ignorant Yankee. It was a little embarrassing.

I said, "How come you didn't give him the two-handed salute?"

He said, "What's the two-handed salute?"

"He's the lead pastor over the entire church. That means that he has high standing in the community. So you must use two hands when greeting him."

Larry shrugged. "I had no idea."

"You're shitting me, right?"

"No, I'm pretty much clueless about that type of stuff."

I rubbed the stubble on my face. "Well, next time you'll know. Let's regard the situation as lesson learned."

"Sorry. Should I chase him down and try again?"

I shook my head. "Don't worry about it. He'll probably cut you some slack since you're half a white man. Race is everything on the peninsula."

"You could say that again."

We decided to walk home even though it was fucking freezing outside. It's a three-mile jaunt back to my apartment. Yet it had to be done. I'm getting older, and exercise is very important to keep my body in working order. The worst thing an old person can do is become sedentary. I shit you not. An inactive lifestyle will literally freeze up your joints and muscles.

That's one of the great benefits concerning my wife's departure. She's literally doubled my workload. Yet all the extra duties are doing wonders for my health. I'm continually on the go.

As we approached our humble abode, I stopped at a convenience store to buy some smokes. A pack of Marlboro only costs four dollars in this neck of the woods.

Larry said, "I'm getting hungry."

"Me, too."

"What are you planning on cooking tonight?"

"Fuck. I can't be bothered with all that nonsense." I paused for dramatic effect. "You wanna go to the chicken house, instead?"

He nodded his head. "OK. But do you think that the owner is angry because you ogled his daughter last week?"

"Maybe. But if he kicks us out, we can always hump it to the pork restaurant to enjoy a meal."

"Have you been kicked out of joints in the past?"

"Yes. A few taverns tossed me on my ear in my youth."

He grinned at me. "Wow. I would imagine it would be difficult to get kicked out of a bar."

"It's easier than you think."

Anyway, to make a long story short, the owner welcomed us with open arms. He even seated me at my favorite table. We then ordered a platter of fried bird and a pitcher of beer. My boy and I really had a good time shooting the crap while chomping on our food.