A Fool in Korea

Abraham

Yesterday, Rice-Boy Larry was still in bed at noon. So I shook him awake, and he gave me the stink eye.

"What do you want?"

I smiled at him. "Let's go out today."

"Go where?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "I dunno. Let's just hop on a bus and see where it takes us."

"I smell bad. I probably should have a shower first."

"OK. Knock yourself out."

So I sat on the sofa and turned the channel to Netflix. Then I began watching a documentary about Jeffery Epstein. Some of this guy's actions were quite shocking. He actually established a pyramid scheme involving teenage girls from the poor part of Palm Beach, Florida. He would pay these ladies two hundred dollars for each new recruit.

I began to feel guilty. My mind drifted back to my time at the chicken house when I had been eyeing the sexy woman in her twenties. I'm old enough to be her father. And let's not forget my love of porn. A nice set of tits always fills me with joy. Perhaps I'm a pervert, too. I guess it comes down to the degree of our sins. Society will put up with horny guys as long as they don't cross certain boundaries.

Anyway, my boy and I rode the bus for thirty minutes before departing the vehicle for a nosh. We settled on McDonald's. He had a Big Mac, and I went with the chicken nuggets. 

I said, "Don't you feel much better now that you're out of that apartment?"

"I guess."

"The fresh air of Seoul will do wonders for your happiness."

He sighed heavily. "I fucking hate winter." 

I nodded. "Me, too. But I prefer January to August. All that heat makes my balls itch."

"You should see a dermatologist."

"Why?"

"A good doctor can actually cure your scratchy nuts. It's stupid to suffer for no reason."

I popped a nugget into my mouth and took a swallow of Coke. "Maybe I will. What's the worst that could happen?"

We got home later that afternoon, and I cleaned the kitchen. I employed a gentle Clorox spay in a bottle to handle the countertops. In the past, I would have used straight bleach. But I've since learned the error of my ways. It's nice to have a spotless abode, but it certainly isn't worth your life.

After that, I read the bible for twenty minutes. Abraham brings his wife Sarah to Egypt in order to avoid a famine. But he pimps her out to Pharaoh to save his own skin. Of course, the Lord gets pissed and punishes Pharaoh for his misdeeds. However, the King of the Universe has always loved Abraham, so he gives the naughty boy a pass.

The moral of the story? Life is much better if God is on your side.

Later that evening, I watched a couple episodes of The Sopranos. Livia keeps telling Tony's secrets to Uncle June, and the old man decides to clip his nephew. In fact, he hires some black guys from Newark to get the job done. I'm a huge fan of The Sopranos. The show makes me feel better about the disintegration of my own family.

I went to my room at 10 p.m. and viewed porn. My favorite clip involved a hot Japanese number blowing four guys. They shot their spunk all over her face, and she took it like a real champ. She even smiled while enduring the humiliation. I guess she needed the money.

I woke up at 9 a.m. and drank a cup of instant coffee. Then I read the headlines on my smartphone while taking a nasty shit. A Korean tourist was murdered in Guam. He was shot with a pistol. Sadly, it could happen to anybody.