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Yesterday, I woke up at 6 a.m. and drank a cup of instant coffee. Then I read the headlines on my smartphone while taking a nasty shit. Many North Koreans are shipped to China to work for slave wages. In fact, most of their money is given to their corrupt government. Anyway, a bunch of them went nuts up in Yanbian province and killed their representatives. They murdered their bosses by beating them to death. The victims of this crime were also North Korean.
I called my mom using Facebook Messenger.
She said, "Is your crazy wife still there?"
I nodded. "Yes. She's sleeping in the other room."
The old lady shook her head to display her displeasure. "I really don't understand you."
"What?"
"How could you let her back in the house?"
I shrugged my shoulders. "What else can I do? She has every right in the world to be here. We aren't divorced, and legally she's my wife."
"How long is she staying?"
"Only for another few days. Today, we're going to the courthouse to refile for a divorce. Last time, we didn't have all the required documents. That's what she claims, anyway."
"And that takes a few days?"
I sighed heavily. "No. We also have to watch a video about the effects of divorce on children. I've seen it before, but Big Brother is making me watch it again. It's required by the-powers-that-be. So we'll do that on Thursday."
"OK, but I still think you're a weenie."
I took a sip of java. "Think what you want. It's a free country."
I'm getting older, and I'm going to die soon. I can feel it in my bones. Therefore, I try to keep everything biblical. First Corinthians 7 is pretty definitive on the morality of divorce. Paul says it's fine to let a pagan leave if she doesn't want to be hitched to a believer. Yet if she wants to stay, then you simply have to grin and bear it. I've given the Dragon Lady every chance to mend our relationship. But she has no interest in remaining a couple, so I'm going to let her fly free to pursue her life. Besides, there's no point in remaining married to someone who hates your guts.
At 10 a.m., the Dragon Lady walked into my room and shot me the stink eye.
I said, "Have I done something to offend you?"
She said, "No. I just hate you gut. I get sick when I rook at you. You da disgusting man. Get leady. We go soon."
Our first stop was a huge office building filled with drones behind computers. They sat in cubes and were typing away as if there was no tomorrow. My mind drifted immediately to the works of Kafka. How absurd it is to spend your life at a desk in front of a typewriter. I simply couldn't do it no matter how glorious the pay might be. I'd rather pour coffee and serve grits at Waffle House. I shit you not.
We were forced to stay in that hellhole for a good hour before our number was called. My wife said some stuff in Korean, and the lady pecked away on her keyboard before printing a myriad of documents. I could barely breathe, and I had the sudden urge to run away. The whole atmosphere was extremely oppressive.
After that, we drove to the courthouse and filled in more papers. That took another hour while the pencil pushers dotted the i's and crossed the t's.
Yes. It was another glorious day in my perfect life. But I always try to look on the bright side. At least I wasn't born in Djibouti.
