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Yesterday, I woke up at 6 a.m. and drank a cup of instant coffee. Then I read the headlines on my smartphone while taking a nasty shit. The Starfield Anseong Mall is located in Gyeonggi Province. It's a huge structure, filled with all kinds of swanky stores where you can blow your hard-earned money. It also has a location on the top floor which features bungee jumping. Anyway, a lady in her sixties decided to give it a go, but the cord snapped and grandma plummeted to her death. Bungee-jumping accidents seem to happen all the time. That's why you'd never catch me doing it in a million years.
I called my mother using Facebook Messenger.
I said, "An old woman just fell to her death at a local shopping mall. She was bungee jumping."
Mom said, "That's a shame. How old was she?"
"In her sixties."
"That's not old! I wish I was in my sixties. Why in the world was she bungee jumping?"
I shrugged my shoulders. "You got me."
Mom changed the subject. "Chicken Ken has been studying a lot these days. I hardly ever see him. He's always in his room, hitting the books."
"Do you know what a district manager at Waffle House makes?"
"My mind is completely fucking shot. The last thing I need is a gig with a huge amount of responsibilities."
"Then why did you bring it up?"
"I was thinking it might be a good opportunity for Chicken Ken and Rice-Boy Larry. After they get their bullshit degrees, they could start their careers in junior management. And it wouldn't take long to work their ways to the top. In a decade, they could be running the place."
She laughed out loud. "Your boys want nothing to do with the Waffle House. Let them choose their owns paths in life."
I missed the bus to work by a cunt hair. It pulled away right when I was crossing the street. So I had to wait 30 minutes out in the cold for the next one to arrive. Talk about a giant pain in the ass. I finally made it to my office at 8:30 a.m.
I talked with my uber-conservative friend Frank for a few minutes. He lectured me on the evils of pornography.
He said, "Those public fornicators are disgusting. And the only ones worse are the freaks who sit there masturbating to that devilish behavior."
I nodded enthusiastically. "You're preaching to the choir. All those perverts should be shot, and the bill for the bullets should be sent to their parents."
Frank sighed heavily. "Well, I wouldn't go that far. This crime against nature doesn't call for the death penalty in this day and age."
"Come on, Frank. Man up. It's time to take the garbage out."
He took a sip of coffee and thought about my words for a moment or two. "You're absolutely right. The world would certainly be a better place without the filth."
I shot him a toothy grin. "Now you're talking. In fact, I'd say you're speaking my language."
I eventually got home at 6 p.m. and made myself a bacon sandwich for dinner. My favorite bread is Roman Meal. It's brown and filled with seeds. After that, I did two loads of laundry while vacuuming the apartment. Then it was time to enjoy some Netflix. I've been viewing this entertaining documentary about six-nations rugby. You assholes should check it out. It's extremely entertaining.
