Yesterday, I woke up at 6 a.m. and drank a cup of instant coffee. Then I read the headlines on my smartphone while taking a nasty shit. A man in his 60s from the city of Incheon got drunk on soju with his buddies. As he was walking home, he suddenly noticed that he was wearing the wrong shoes. He became enraged and broke into a nearby apartment. An argument ensued with the owner, and the old geezer picked up a knife and stabbed the poor bastard to death. Grandpa will now have to spend the next nineteen years in prison.
I relaxed in bed as I watched Fox News. The talking heads keep saying that Trump will win the next election. Yet I simply don't see it happening. It all comes down to demographics. Orange Donald simply doesn't appeal to people of color. He revolts them the same way a crucifix scares Dracula away. I fully expect that Michelle Obama will be our next leader. But what do I know?
I walked into the living room. The Dragon Lady was sitting on the sofa. She had a dejected look on her face.
She said, "I go home soon."
I nodded. "We'll miss you."
"I vely upset."
"Why?"
She let out a big sigh. "Eet lunah New Year. But my son not want to come to my house for da cerebration."
I shrugged my shoulders. "I can't force him to go with you."
Suddenly, my wife broke down in tears. "Eet not fair. You blainwash him. He tink I da evil woman."
"What can I do?"
"You go with me. Eet our rast time togethah."
I thought about it for a moment or two. "OK. I'll tag along. It would be great to see my dog again."
Rice-Boy Larry wasn't too keen about the whole idea. He shot me the stink eye and clenched his fists. He's not a huge fan of his Korean family. He thinks that they suck giant ass. But he calmed down after a few minutes and took a shower. Then he put on his finest duds, and we all walked out the door together.
I took command of the steering wheel. And we listened to a lot of music along the way. We enjoyed Dark Side of the Moon in its entirety along with Animals and Wish You Were Here. I'm a huge fan of Pink Floyd. But the Dragon Lady was less than enthusiastic. She kept covering her ears in order to drown out the noise.
She said, "Dis is so clazy. Soon, I jump out da car. I can't take eet."
I said, "Shut your mouth, or we'll slap the shit out of you."
Larry said, "That's right, Mom. We're tired of your crap."
"I nevah ret you dwive da car again."
I laughed in her face. "Who gives a fuck?"
We arrived at my mother-in-law's apartment at 6 p.m. I call her the Queen Elephant because she seems firmly in control of her clan. This is where my wife has been living for the last six months. And Dolly the dog went nuts when she saw me. She wagged her tail and jumped up and down with joy. I couldn't believe that she recognized me.
I picked the beast up and gave her a huge hug. She responded by licking my face.
I said, "How's my favorite puppy?"
She actually responded by barking.
Anyway, the Queen Elephant doesn't have internet. So I'm currently at a PC cafe writing this garbage. I'll try to post as often as I can. God bless.
