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I woke up today at 7 a.m. and drank a cup of instant coffee. Then I read the headlines on my smartphone while taking a nasty shit. Many Korean teenagers are going to bars and running up outrageous tabs. However, when it comes time to pay the piper, they often threaten to report the establishment to the police for serving alcohol to minors. Of course, the last thing an entrepreneur wants is the cops up his ass, so the kids have found an effective way to get drunk for free. Naughty little bastards.
My phone suddenly rang. It was my friend Beatrice from Canada. I used to teach with her back in the day.
She said, "Merry Christmas."
I said, "What time is it over there?"
"It's three in the morning. I couldn't sleep."
I cleared my throat. "So how are things in the great white north? Have you lost any of your digits due to frostbite."
She chuckled and sighed. "My sister has inoperable cancer. It looks like she's gonna die."
"I'm sorry to hear that. I guess all I can is pray for her. But have faith in Jesus."
"Well, I'm not sure if she's actually a Christian."
"Then it's your job to change her mind before she takes her dirt nap."
She laughed again. "I'll get right on that." Beatrice paused for several seconds. "I feel so alone. I'm celebrating the holidays all by myself, and I really miss my dog."
Beatrice is in her seventies, and she never had any children. So now she's forced to tackle life as a solo pilot. I'm not saying that kids are a remedy to loneliness. In fact, the Apostle Paul got along just fine as a perpetual virgin. But that kind of existence isn't for everybody. Paul even tells us this in one of his epistles. He instructs his followers to get married in order to have an outlet for their passions.
I said, "Christmas is only one day out of an entire year. And thank Jesus for that small favor. Therefore, your feelings of emptiness will pass like a fart in the wind."
"I guess you're right."
"Have you thought about getting a new beast to keep you company? Perhaps you should try a cat this time. They aren't as friendly as dogs, yet they are definitely charming creatures, nevertheless."
"I'll see what happens."
Later that morning, I watched pornography while relaxing in bed. I spent most of my time concentrating on ladies of the Orient. The films featuring Japanese orgies are always a ton of fun. They come with my highest recommendation.
Then it was time for housework. I cleaned the kitchen and vacuumed the entire apartment. After that, I managed to knock out two loads of laundry. Let me tell you motherfuckers something. Housework never ends. And you have to stay on top of it, or your humble abode will turn into a disgusting pit of filth.
I woke Larry up at noon.
He said, "I'm still tired."
I said, "Too fucking bad. This isn't the welfare office. You need to help me out with the garbage."
"I'll do it later."
"Bullshit. Plus you have to eat your breakfast. I made you bacon and French fries."
Do you assholes remember the story about my missing hash browns? Anyway, Coupang sent me a message and told me that they will deliver the items as soon as possible. So far, I've been waiting for over two weeks.
(In all honesty, I have no idea why you guys read this shit. It's pure trash. But go ahead and give me an upvote anyway. Cheers.)
