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Yesterday, Rice-Boy Larry spent most of the afternoon in his room. And I got a little worried because he's been sleeping too much these days.
I said, "I'm thinking about cooking soup again for dinner."
He said, "OK."
Then suddenly I had a change of heart.
I said, "Let's go to the chicken house instead."
"Why?"
"I need to get you out of this apartment. You're turning into a zombie."
"Well, I need to take a shower first."
"How come?"
He sighed heavily. "I smell bad."
"What? Are you looking for a girlfriend?"
Anyway, he dragged his sorry ass to the bathroom at 6 p.m. to wash his filthy body while I looked up news articles on my phone. I read an interesting story about Julian Lennon. He says that his father John was nothing more than a fucking hypocrite. Julian also claims that his famous dad failed to financially support his family after Yoko stole him away. John sounds like he was a real asshole. But what do I know?
We eventually arrived at our favorite restaurant at 7 p.m. I ordered a platter of fried bird and two bottles of soju.
I looked at Larry. "Your Mexican grandpa is going to the hospital in a couple of days."
He nodded. "Yeah, you've told me several times. The doctor is checking the old guy's heart."
I tapped the table with my fingertips. "If it's serious business, then we're returning to the States this summer."
He started chewing on a chicken leg. "I'm OK with that. A change might do me good."
"Are you tired of Korea?"
He thought about the question for a moment or two. "I couldn't tell you. It feels like home to me."
I took a swallow of soju. "I'm sure you'll like America. We can live at Granny's house in order to avoid paying rent."
Suddenly, the owner's daughter entered the establishment. She had died her hair blonde, and I couldn't take my eyes off her. She's a university student who's in her twenties, and I'm old enough to be her daddy. Yet that didn't seem to matter. I was practically drooling. I've always found her to be a sexy little creature. And what can I tell you? Young Asian females turn me on.
Larry said, "Dad, you're leering."
"Huh?"
"At the girl. You keep staring at her. Give it a rest."
"Shit. I can't seem to help myself."
"This is Korea. So try to get ahold of yourself."
Suddenly, I snapped out of it. "You're right. I should act my age."
We got home at 9 p.m. and I went to my room. Then I relaxed in my bed while watching porn. Yet the soju made it impossible to pop a boner, so I switched over to The Sopranos. I'm on the episode where Tony finds out that his Uncle Junior enjoys eating pussy. Junior goes nuts and viciously assaults his blabbermouth girlfriend with a banana-cream pie. Good stuff.
I woke up at 8 a.m. and drank a cup of instant coffee. Then I read the headlines on my smartphone while taking a nasty shit. Elementary schools across Korea can't find enough students to fill the classrooms. Sadly, nobody on the peninsula is having babies anymore. In fact, the ROK has the lowest birth rate on the planet. And it's really starting to screw with society.
