I'm Not Okay!

Self Harmer

When Frank was ready we all walked backstage, taking the crayons and paper for Bandit. Me and Bee sat on the sofa as the band crowded together and spoke to Brian. I looked at Bee who was kicking her legs out smiling up at me.  Gerard turned to us and waved.

"I'll see you both after the show, Behave" He pointed to Bandit and laughed. They all walked off to the stage and I turned to Bandit.

"What do you want to do first then?" I asked her and she shrugged.

"Can we play..." She said thinking until she saw a box full of toy's. She ran to the box and pulled out 2 barbie dolls. "BARBIES!" She screamed and ran up to me dragging me to the floor to play with her. I put on a high pitched voice for the doll and Bee loved it. She dropped the barbie and ran off. I ran after her but couldn't see her, all I heard was giggles.

"Bee, come on, we'll do some drawing" I said trying to find her.

"FIND ME FIRST!" She screamed laughing, I looked to where the sound was coming from and opened the door too see her walking around some room. She ran up to me with a newspaper in her hand and smiled at me.

"You read?" I asked impressed.

"You're on the cover!" She smiled and I raised an eyebrow, she handed me the newspaper and ran off to the living room backstage. I looked at the newspaper and nearly dropped it.

"Troubled teen locks away innocent dad" I read the headlines and felt tears leave my eyes. I couldn't believe what I was reading. Apart of me wanted to rip the newspaper up but I couldn't, I had to read on. "Cassie Lee has had deep depression since her mother's death. She tried to cope with it in her own way which involves self harming. She blamed her dad for her mother's death and recently put him in prison for 7 Years. Cassie Lee is now adopted by the lead singer of 'My Chemical Romance' Gerard Way. Did she put her real dad in prison JUST to get adopted by this famous singer?" I couldn't read on. I held it in my hand tightly and walked back to the living room backstage. Bandit sat there looking worried.

"What's wrong Cassie?" She asked.

"Nothing" I choked out. My voice went all croaky and I couldn't feel my knee's. I sat down quickly and stared at the ceiling.

"You're crying" She whispered sitting next to me.

"Tear's of Joy" I lied. "Why don't you do some colouring? I'll join in soon" I told her trying to put a fake smile on but only more tears fell down my face. She walked off and all the pain and memories came flooding back. Who would write that? I closed my eyes to block everything out. I Felt so weak, so sleepy...

Someone was shaking me, I opened my eyes and saw Bandit looking at me terrified. I must of fallen asleep.

"What's wrong Bee?" I asked squinting my eyes, I rubbed them and they felt sore.

"You was screaming" She whispered.

"Oh, I had a nightmare" I told her and she still looked scared. "I'm okay now" I smiled swallowing a scream down. She walked back and started drawing. I heard a door open and the band came in laughing. I walked to the bathroom quietly and closed the door staring in the mirror.

"Where's Cassie?" I heard Gerard ask Bandit.

"Toilet, she was upset" Bandit said worried. Next minute there was banging on the door.

"I'll be out in a minute" I shouted steadying my voice. I looked in the mirror and felt disgusted. "Stupid self harmer" I spat out. "All this for fame?" I asked myself. I grabbed a razor and held it in my hand tightly. I felt the blood leave my hand and drop to the sink.

"Cassie you okay in there?" Gerard asked.

"I... I Can't do this" I whispered crying hysterically. I heard banging on the door and opened my hand, it was covered in blood. I dropped the razor in the sink and searched the cabinet for anything to end the suffering. The door flew open and I froze.