I'm Not Okay!

She's hallucinating again

I opened my eyes slowly and saw Gerard and Mikey sitting either side of me. Frank sat next to Gerard and Ray sat next to Mikey. Bandit was sitting on the floor playing with some toys by herself. Everyone was crying.

"Don't cry" My voice was croaky and weak, they all snapped there heads up and looked at me. Gerard frowned slightly.

"This is all your fault" I stopped breathing for a second, he was right.

"I'm sorry" I whispered and Mikey scoffed.

"If you didn't self harm then you wouldn't of hurt us!" I raised an eyebrow

"I don't self harm" I whispered and Frank spoke this time

"Course not, why did you come into our lives? You ruined everything. You put your own innocent dad into prison! How could you do that? You killed your mother!" I felt tears flood my cheeks and I stared at him, I shook my head and he scoffed.

"I didn't kill her... She died in a car crash!" I screamed and they all dropped there heads as my real dad walked through the door, I couldn't move because of all the needles and medicine in me. I wanted to run and hide but I couldn't.

"You killed her, you're ill Cassie...You need help" He sounded kind

"I didn't, get away from me" I screamed trying to move but this time I could move but Gerard and Mikey held me down.

"You can't hurt them anymore Cassie, you can't hurt yourself anymore" I stared at him confused... What does he mean? What's happening!? "The self harming stop's... The bruising you did to yourself stop's" He told me walking over to the monitor next to me. "I didn't want to do this, but it's the only way I can help you" He said with a tear falling down his face.

"I didn't do this to myself you did it"

"I was just there to take the blame Cassie... I'm so sorry for being a terrible father and not stopping you" He said and switched the monitor off. I closed my eyes tightly as I felt a sharp pain in my arms and head.

"CASSIE!" Gerard screamed and my eyes shot open, I looked at my arms and they was covered in blood, the needles were on the floor and Ray ran to get a doctor.

"I didn't mean to! I'm sorry! I'm s..." I cried hysterically and a doctor ran in putting some needles back into my arm.

"What happened!?" The doctor asked

"She started screaming and she ripped the needles out of her arm" Mikey explained and held my hand.

"What... No I didn't" Ray looked at me almost crying.

"She's hallucinating again... Is there anything you can give her for that? They're getting worse" Ray asked the doctor and she nodded.

"Cassie, your depression... Have you gotten any help?" She asked and I shook my head no and she looked at Gerard. "You need to get her help and soon before she can't control anything" He nodded and looked at me.

I couldn't keep hurting them. I just couldn't live on knowing I'm slowly killing them all... Even Bandit. I needed to do something and soon. I'm sorry for being so weak mum.