I'm Not Okay!

Messed Up Girl

We arrived at the bus and all jumped out of the car walking inside together, Mikey was playing tag with Bandit outside whilst Gerard walked inside with Frank and Ray but he wasn't paying much attention to them. They all sat down and I sat next to him.

"You need sleep" I told him and he immediately turned all of his attention to me.

"I need to look after you and Bandit, I need to get you some help Cassie so I can't sleep" He replied half smiling.

"Frank can do that so sleep! Unless of course you want to become really stressy" I told him smiling and he dropped his smile.

"Yeah I can do that" Frank said smiling and Gerard just nodded, He stood up and walked off to the bedroom. Mikey sat next to me and took a phone out of his pocket, My phone which he never gave back. There was a new message from Kyle and Mikey gave me a concerned look. I just half smiled and shook my head.

"I don't want to know what it says" I told Mikey and he understood, I can remember how much pain Kyle put me and Gerard through. It made me feel sick... Literally. I was really going to puke. I ran through the bedroom and into the bathroom falling on my knee's to throw up in the open toilet. I heard someone walk to the door and gasp.

"You okay Cassie?" Ray asked concerned, I finished throwing up and wiped my mouth with some toilet roll then turned to face him.

"Probably the medication they gave me" I replied wiping my teary eyes. He nodded and walked away. I sniffed a few times and then flushed the toilet.

I stood up and walked over to the mirror. I stared at the messed up girl in front of me, her hair was a mess as it hung from both sides of her face almost like a curtain, I pulled the hair back and saw a stitch at the top of her head. Her eyes were red from where she had been crying and she looked terrified. The girl I saw before me was me and I felt sick at looking at her. Why did she not smile? Why did she look so horrible?

"Stupid self harmer" I spat out. I looked at my wrists and only saw a few scars, No new ones have been made in a while. I looked away from the mirror and stared at the razor which stood out from everything else. "No" I whispered to myself and shook my head. I looked at the mirror and my reflection looked different. In the mirror I was smiling and shaking my head. I couldn't go back to self harming, words won't bring me down!

"Wimp" My reflection spat out, My eyes shot up and I stared at my reflection, I grabbed the razor and panicked, "You won't do it on your own so let me help you with that" My reflection said lifting the razor to my upper wrist.

"Please No" I whispered crying but my other hand jerked back and I stared at my cut wrist, I watched the blood slowly ooze out of it.

"You like it" My reflection whispered, It felt oddly good letting the blood pour out of me. "Your turn now, do it all by yourself Cassie!" I put the razor to my wrist and was about to slit it until I heard little footsteps run to the door and I heard a small child's gasp.

"Cassie! You're bleeding" She cried out pointing to my wrist. A few seconds later I heard more footsteps become louder and soon Mikey appeared standing behind her staring at my wrist. He gasped and I looked at my wrist. It was covered In blood and it felt good. I looked up at Mikey who looked terrified.