I'm Not Okay!

Want it all to stop

"Bandit, go play with daddy whilst I help Cassie" Mikey told Bandit and she nodded running off, I kept frozen on the spot as Mikey slowly walked forward towards me closing the door behind him, I felt so scared and alone.

"Leave me alone" I whispered whilst crying, he shook his head and looked at my arm. I looked at my arm covered in blood and shrugged. "It's only a bit of blood" I chuckled

"Only a bit? Your whole arms covered!" He shouted and I jumped. "Give me the razor" He ordered and I shook my head. "Give me the razor Cassie..."

"No" I whispered scared

"Do you want me to walk over to you and grab it?" He asked.

"Get out Mikey" I screamed and he ran over to me grabbing the razor, he threw it to the floor and I tried to hit him but he just held me so I couldn't move. "Get Off me!" I shouted but he held me tighter, I went weak and fell to the floor crying still In Mikey's arms.

"I'm sorry Cassie, you need help" He said hugging me now. "It hurts me as much as it hurts you too see you in pain" He whispered and he let go standing up, grabbing some bandages and medicine. He sat down next to me again and started wiping away the blood, he put some medicine over the cut which stung like mad and put a bandage over it.

"I just want it all to stop" I whispered and he hugged me again

"Suicide and self harming is not the answer, talking to a therapist is" I scoffed and pulled away to look at him.

"Therapist know fuck all" I spat out

"Then talk to me, Frank or Ray" I took note that he didn't say Gerard

"What if Gerard finds out about this?" I whispered and Mikey started wiping away my tears with a piece of tissue.

"He won't, he can't know yet... Gerard's under a lot of pressure at the moment" He whispered and I nodded.

"Why is my life so shit" I chuckled weakly.

"Because something fucking awesome is going to happen soon!" He smiled

"It better be worth it" I half smiled, "Probably will happen on my birthday" I said out loud, Mikey raised an eyebrow

"When exactly is your birthday?" He asked

"3rd July"

"3 days!?" He said surprised and I laughed and nodded. "I better get you a present and soon! Any ideas of what you want?" He asked. The thing I wanted the most was impossible to get, I wanted my mum back. I wanted her to hug me and tell me everything would be okay but that would never happen unless I died. Death is what I want.

"Surprise me" I said smiling and he nodded. "Thank's for being there for me Mikey... You help a lot" I lied and fake smiled.

"Why did you actually cut?" He asked and I took a deep breath.

"Think of the events of my life... Long story short" I smiled weakly. I stood up and so did Mikey, he held my hand in his and we walked out of the bathroom and into the living room. Bandit was crying with Gerard and Frank looked scared to see me. When I hurt myself I hurt the people around me, I need face my pain to make people happy... I wasn't really sure If I could stay that strong though, I would try but I couldn't do it for long.