ON HOLD- I'm back with another Robsten pregnancy story (shocker I know right?) because let's face it! I wish they would have a child together or be together in general and I wanted an excuse to use the picture. Now onto the summary!
In this one, Kr...
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This is what I go through on a daily basis, it is not easy and there are days I would rather starve but its what I have to do to survive! raising awareness one tube at a time :)
Kristen was doing what she had been this past week. Sitting by her son's side. So far, the baby had been doing pretty good but today could change all that. He was having surgery today to get a Nissen fundoplication done and to get a feeding tube placed. The Nissen would make it so he couldn't throw up everything in his system. They were both worried about the outcome of this all.
A couple hours later, the nurse came to collect the baby for surgery. Kristen was in tears as she told her son she loved him for what could possibly be the last time.
They both got periodic updates throughout the hours. Kristen was clutching onto Roberts' arm for most of it.
It was hour 7 when he was finally out of surgery. They both watched as the nurses got the baby situated back in the room
"Do you guys wanna learn this stuff?" she asked Kristen and Rob. Kristen was hesitant but got up.
"This here is called a Gtube, it's held by a balloon in his stomach. When the water runs out, you know to change the tube. Usually, you will want to change this every 3-4 months. This here is a feeding pump, we will fill this bag with special formula when he gets older but for now it will be your milk. But first, we are going to check the site. You will want to keep a gauze around this, and these stitches will go away in a few days. You guys will get supplies every month. There will be kits to change the tube but the first one will be done in a doctor's office. These syringes will be used for medications. This is called an extension, it hooks up to the tube. These need to be changed at least once a week and the bags once a day. We will send you guys home with different syringes. Now it looks like his starting rate which is how fast the milk will go in is 10mph which means he will get 10ml every hour every two hours. I know this is overwhelming and we will go through this again when you leave."
"How long will he have it?"
"He has dysphagia of the throat, he might be on it long term."
"Fuck" Kristen whispered. She felt even more guilty. She sat back in the chair placing her head into her hands.
"What is the dysphagia?"
"We ran a swallow study on him, he has poor swallow reflexes and what he is swallowing is being aspirated into his tiny lungs. Very dangerous and could end up killing him."
When the nurse left Kristen lost it. she wasn't sure she could handle a medically fragile child. She didn't think she had it in her. She knew their son was going to have long-term issues and that scared her.
She told Robert she would be back and went for a walk down to the cafeteria, trying to clear her head. She was visibly shaking as she paid for a cup of coffee and made her way out to the garden. Kristen had found herself out here on more than one occasion, on the bench surrounded by flowers and butterflies. It was peaceful and serene. A place she could go and let everything out and get away from the hospital scene. She knew she was being selfish, but Rob was with the baby so she knew she didn't leave him alone.
Meantime, Eliana had brought Alora with her. Eliana was just getting back into driving, she had not driven since the day her son had died except to bring her mother to the hospital and she was scared to drive but that wasn't going to stop her.
"Hey, dad," Eliana greeted. She looked around the hospital room wondering where her mom was. "Where Is mom?"
"You know, I don't know. She all the sudden said she would be back. She was acting strangely after the nurse showed us the equipment for the baby."
"I think I know where she went" Alora spoke up. "I'll go talk to her."
"Do you want me to go with?" Eliana offered.
"No, it's fine." Alora headed to the garden, she knew that her mother sometimes went out there when she needed a break.
Kristen had her earbuds in listening to Breathe Me by Sia, it's a song that if you just wanted or needed to cry, that was the song for you. She had not even noticed that Alora had come out and was startled when she tapped her shoulder.
"Hey, hun" Kristen greeted when she turned around.
"How are you doing mom?" Alora asked as she took a seat on the bench.
Kristen sighed as she wrapped her earbuds around her phone before placing in front of her. "Yeah, I just needed to think."
"Dad is worried about you, we all are, to be honest."
Shutting her eyes, Kristen rubbed her forehead. "Yeah, I know. It's just overwhelming, I know it's my fault that he has these issues and they most likely will be long term. I don't know if I can take care of a medically fragile baby, I have no experience."
"They will teach you mom and it will become second nature, so to speak."
"But what if it doesn't?"
"Listen, you will make mistakes but you will learn from them."
"But one mistake could kill him Alora and ill never forgive myself."
"Don't focus on that, don't focus on what could happen."
"I'm scared to lose him" Kristen admitted
"You won't, now come on let's get back before dad has an aneurysm" Alora giggled.
Eliana was staying with the baby while her parents went out for dinner. It had taken some persuasion to get Kristen to go out and that was when Eliana volunteered to stay, promising to call if anything happened.
They both enjoyed the meal, making small talk about the future. Kristen decided she was going out of the acting business. she was only 38 years old and had been doing this job since she was 9 and also thought she would be doing it way into her 70s. but life changes and she needed to there for their son. same with her other kiddos she didn't want to do a nanny, especially since this baby would require more than the average baby.
