Spencer Reid - One Shots

Hard Time

-Description: You and Spencer are together. When a certain person left, you both had a hard time.
-Warnings: Angst, fluffiness, 2x23 spoilers, 3x1 spoilers, 3x2 spoilers
-Word count: 1892
-Note: This is officially my 50th story. I can't believe it, I made it this far. I want to thank all of you, for reading, voting, commenting, and much more. You guys are the ones that keep me going, motivating me. Thank you.
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Y/N POV:

I was sitting on the couch, waiting for Spencer to come back. He went to Jason's cabin, checking up on him. He didn't appeared for work, and doesn't answer his phone. We all were worried. We all could see, he changed after Sarah, an old college friend, got murdered. We could see, he wasn't himself anymore, taking the blame, he doesn't deserve. I understand, losing a loved one is horrible. But, this behavior wasn't Jason. He would never ignore us like that, especially not Spencer.

Suddenly, the door unlocked, my boyfriend arriving back home.

'Was he there?' I asked, but immediately sensed that something was wrong.

'No, but his badge and gun were there.' he avoided eye contact, but I could hear, he has been crying.

'I'm going to take a shower.' he quickly spoke, and placed the stuff on the table.

Now, definitely something was up. As soon as he left out of sight, I went to the table. Spencer mentioned his badge and gun, but not the envelope, his name was written on. I know, it was wrong, but I needed to know what was going on. So, I took the envelope, and sat back on the couch. When I opened it, a long letter revealed. I began reading:
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Letter Jason:

Spencer,

I knew it would be you who came to the cabin to check on me.

You must be frightened, I apologize for that. I never meant to cause you any pain. But then I also never envisioned writing this letter. I've searched for a satisfactory explanation for what I'm doing, all I've come up with is: a profiler needs to have solid footing. I- I don't think I do anymore. The world confuses me. The cruelty, indifference, tragedy.

When my dear friend Sarah was murdered, it tore a hole in me, and I truly believed the way to handle the pain was to get back to our work as quickly as possible. Get on to helping somebody else. I thought I could handle Sarah's murder, work through it.

On the very first case we had after, it was on a college campus.

You see, I met Sarah at college, on a campus just like that one 31 years ago. Campuses are supposed to be places of life and excitement. They're supposed to be about the future. Figuring out who you are, who you're gonna be. It's supposed to be about dreams, not nightmares. About hope. I really don't understand the world anymore.

All homicide scenes are tragic, but when the victim's someone young, their life ripped away before they've even had a chance to live, it's devastating.

In this line of work, I was afraid I would lose the ability to trust, but I've realized I can't really look at anyone without seeing their death. And as bad as losing faith in humanity seems, losing your faith in happy endings is much worse.

How many victims have we seen? How many crime scenes? Hundreds? Thousand? Pictures of families, victims- both alive and dead. I was always able to stay objective, to stay at arm's length, but now.. all I see is Sarah in them. Nathan Tubbs was easy, but there was a time in my career when I would have asked the question I should have asked- was he too easy?