Ghosts Broken Mask

18 - 'Clouded Sadness'

You shifted eyes closed. You felt your bare skin brush across the covers as you stirred. You rolled onto your stomach feeling the weighted blanket against you while your hands snaked under the cold side of the pillow.

You hummed to yourself, no thought behind it. Embracing the comfort and warmness. Your eyes felt puffy and heavy, keeping them closed as you shifted. You furrowed your brows for a moment.

'Didn't you fall asleep on the floor?' Your eyes snapped open as you sat up, finding yourself in your bed. You looked around, no one. You still had your shirt and shorts on from yesterday, you rubbed your head and let your eyes adjust before you got up.

You left your room, finding no one in any part of the dorm. You wondered if you'd woken up at some point and gone to bed. You tried to recall last night's events but was met with a dead end. You figured that was your best explanation as you scratched your scalp and walked over to the couch.

You raised a hand to your eyes, annoyed at the open curtains you'd always kept shut. You looked around, sneakers still kicked to the side, uniform scattered about and gadgets on the sofa. You raised your arms above your head, allowing yourself to stretch.

You felt a slight pain in your thigh like carpet burn but it looked fine. You went to the bathroom, yellow sunlight invading the room through the frosted glass. You glanced at the shower, brain reminding you that you hadn't had one in a hot minute. You walked back into your room, checking the time on your alarm clock.

[5:39am]

You grabbed yourself a towel before heading to the bathroom. You felt your eyelids drop as your face remained expressionless. Sadness clouded your vision as you looked at yourself in the mirror. Raising a finger and gently prodding, the fight was on Saturday, the same night you got drunk. On Sunday you had been sent off on the mission. Arriving on at enemy base late Monday night and back at pitstop base early morning Tuesday.

You had made it back to HQ late afternoon that same day and you'd just slept. The day was Wednesday, your eyes had cleared almost from the fight. Lip almost healed, leaving a small red line across in its place. Your nose was fine despite having it hit twice, once in the fight and once on Monday by Greg.

You had always healed freakishly quick, your father commented on it once. Your body was quick to react to injuries, moving fast to get them cleared up. Just a faint black circle around your left eye remained, the rest of your skin cleared up. No blemishes in sight, you sighed.

Staring back at the drained emotionless face in the mirror. You turned your back, starting the shower. Leaning against the sink as you waited, your body tired as sorrow added invisible weight. You felt like you were chipping away, being eaten by ants. Little by little as you fell deeper into the rabbit hole.

You checked the water, swiping your hand under it before undressing and climbing in. The water was warm, you turned it up higher. Wanting to feel something, keeping an eye on your injuries. You turned it up more till it turned your skin red from heat.

Steam filled the bathroom, clogging your lungs and making you feel stuffy. You put up with it despite your dislike, tilting your head back into the water as you massaged your scalp. You grabbed a washcloth, squirting body wash onto it as you scrubbed roughly at your skin.

A small, scoffed choke made you realize you were crying. Scrubbing roughly at your skin. You let the cloth drop as sobs took your body once more, shaking your chest as you sat down letting the hot water burn you further. You leaned your head against the tiled wall, letting out soft cries of grief.

You brought your legs up, wanting to fade away as you wrapped your arms around them. Your thigh hurt from doing this, but you just cried, choking back your sorrow. You hated crying, always had. You lowered your head, barely able to breath in your cramped position and steamed air.