All About Us [Yuri Katsuki x Reader]

111 - Forget

You felt his impassive stare bore into you. He didn't say anything for quite a while, opting to observe you instead. It was rather uncomfortable to be scrutinized like some oddity. His stormy gray eyes were watching you carefully.

After what felt like an eternity, he turned to the woman on the counter and said something that you couldn't hear. She went to back where the skates were placed on a rack, neatly aligned in rows. She took one out of the rack and handed it to Damon who in turn, forcibly shoved the pair of skates to you causing you to involuntarily grunt as he did so.

"Like hell you're not going to skate," his eyes were narrowed and his voice was low, "Cut the crap, put them on and get out there."

"But I-"

"I don't want to hear whatever lame ass excuse you come up with, (Y/N)." His tone was far too authoritative. You never expected  him to speak with such finality. To him you were going to skate and that was the end of that.

You were soon dragged to the locker room to go and change out out of your shoes much to your chagrin. Your protests and complaints fell on deaf ears as your companion proceeded to put on his own skates. Either way, you wouldn't be able to leave even if you wanted to. You ended up reluctantly putting the skates on your feet. The feel to it was a whole lot different to what you were used to. The loaned pair felt worn but you did not utter a peep about it in fear of the younger skater biting your head off. You suddenly missed your own pair of skates which you had left behind. In fact, you had almost forgotten that you had brought it with you on your trip. It was buried amongst your other things back home.

He soon stood, ready to take to the ice whereas your mind was racing with reasons as to why this was a bad idea. As much as your heart misses it, you did not want to skate. You did not feel like it was right for you to step foot onto the ice. You felt like you were at the wrong place. 

It was so close and yet at the same time felt so far away. You could hear other people skating, you could see them gliding through the ice without a care in the world but at the same time it was all fuzzy and the sounds were muffled. You frowned. Being on the ice once meant freedom, it was a place where you could be you and not have anyone judge you. It was where you used to express yourself freely. It always was just you and the ice when you skated, nothing else mattered, everything just fades into the background while you take center stage. But now, it was nothing more than a barren place that is full of bitter memories. Now, you just felt cold and it wasn't the comfortable kind of cold either. It was the same sort of feeling that made you want to walk faster and get things over with so that you could forget that anything ever happened. You once enjoyed the feeling of being able to lose yourself when you skated but now, after walking on eggshells for what felt like ages, being able to indulge yourself on something so simple now seems so foreign. It felt as if you have finally found the only water in the desert and yet you stood still, tempted but paralyzed.

The dark haired teen's voice pulled you out of your musings, "Just go. It will make you feel better...trust me."

You were a mere three feet away from the entrance and never before had a rink's entrance looked more daunting even after the many competitions you had participated in.You did not want to believe him. What if he was wrong? You did not want to go in and risk what little good memories you have left on the ice be tarnished by going out there and not find what you were looking for. 

Not  waiting for your permission, he took your wrist and pulled you into the rink. Your eyes widened as you jerked forward. Your initial reaction was to hold onto the skirting, forgetting for a moment that you did in fact, knew how to skate. You just didn't want to go any further than you already were. It was rather terrifying. This wouldn't be the end to your struggles. There would be new people, new memories, and new experiences would one day mix with the old ones. You weren't sure if you were ready for that. You couldn't make room for the new and hold on to the old, you were sure you'd spread yourself to thin until you would one day, just snap. You did not want to lose more of yourself than you already had, you did not want to hinder yourself any longer either.

You have been thinking about it more than you should have. You have been wondering how it would feel like to skate again, to skate with all of your emotions weighing you down as if gravity itself was crushing you.  You were scared. You did not want to be thrown back into the deep end so soon after feeling like you have just barely managed to get out of it not so long ago. You weren't happy where you were now but at least you were in a place that was familiar.

"C'mon, (Y/N)..." Damon whispered. He wasn't being impatient this time. His tone was different. He was trying to encourage you which was came as a bit of a shock. He was trying to help you let go of the iron bar of the skirting. You hadn't even realized that you were holding onto it so tightly until you actually did let go. You were being irrational yes but fear was never really rational, wasn't it?

He held out a hand for you to take. You bit your lip. It felt like you were learning how to skate all over again. You took his hand before second thoughts got the better of you and ruled you over.

Something was fogging your mind. You have been on the ice a thousand of times, you were once so confident that you were sure you could skate with your eyes closed but now...You were a bit wobbly on your feet, much like a newborn fawn trying to find their footing. You were taking baby steps. He did not make a witty remark each time you nearly fell. He held onto you. The two of you didn't do anything flashy. You just glided across the ice much like what the other patrons were doing. 

The two of you did not exchange words and you did not need to. Your silence spoke for you and it spoke in volumes as did his. 

Longing.

Pain.

Regret.

Heartache.

These things were so common, everyone must have gone through these things and yet they shatter you time and time again, each blow harder and even more painful than the last until you could not even differentiate whether or not  you were in pain anymore.

As you glided alongside him, you observed the people around you. They smiled and laughed with ease. You could smile but you missed having to do so without feeling like you were lying to yourself. The closest you ever were to happiness was when...

You stopped, slowly sliding into a halt, causing the younger skater to stop also.

"Is something wrong?"

"Why are you doing this?" You asked, not facing him.

He stiffened a bit, his posture became straighter, "Do I have to have a reason?"

"Please just...just tell me."

He was silent for a moment before he sighed, his shoulders sagged, "I'm like you."

You raised a questioning brow and he further elaborated, "I am trying to forget...but no matter how hard I try, I can't." he muttered, "I come here as much as I could and each time I just remember but when I leave, I feel a little bit lighter...so I thought you would..." he trailed off.

You did not know what to say. Why did it seem like everyone else is more perceptive to your feelings than yourself?

They say that you don't get over someone until you find something better. People never deal with emptiness well. Any empty space must be filled. A single moment in that empty spot lies an eternity of pain, excruciating pain. He was unintentionally offering you a distraction and you wanted to take it so badly but you can't. You won't and you never ever will.

The old you would have easily blamed it on timing and say that you were at the worng place, at the wrong time, and at the wrong situation but was there really a right time? Or place? Or situation? Maybe if you met him a little bit sooner or a little bit later, things might have worked out the way you hoped they would, things might have been different...but sometimes things don't fit together no matter how hard you try to force it.

The only thing a person can ever do is keep moving forward. Take a risk and take a big leap without hesitation, without looking back and move on...then why does it feel like with every step you try to take forward, you were taking one step back?