All About Us [Yuri Katsuki x Reader]

145 - Selfish

Trying to remove any and all traces of crying in five minutes was a huge pain. Not only did you have to do it quickly, you had to do it in front of Yuri. Out of all people, you hated to have him see you cry. It was bad enough that he had to see you like this more than once, you really did not want to have to add one more incident like this in the growing list of how many times he had to see you at your most vulnerable. It was not that you had a reputation to uphold or anything, it was just because you did not want to be seen or treated differently because you let your walls down. You frustratingly tried to rub your eyes with your palms in hopes of wiping away any stray tears. You did not want to draw any more attention to yourself than you already did by showing up as a puffy eyed, runny nosed mess.  However, no matter how hard you tried to remove any indicators of your so obvious distress, you just end up looking even more choked up than you already did.

As you attempted for the umpteenth time to practically rub your eyes raw, Yuri gently grabbed your wrists and pulled them down to stop you. You knew it was bad to do so and you were very much expecting a lecture on the subject but it never came. Instead, the dark haired man right in front of you just sent you a small, reassuring smile. It was enough to qualm the storm of emotions you were feeling at the moment. The anxiousness, the fatigue, your worries, it was all just gone in a blink of an eye just because he was there, making you feel this way. You initially thought that he was the one who would be in this position where the pressure was on and not you. 

"Don't worry anymore, (Y/N)," he stated softly as he gingerly rubbed your wrists with a soothing motion, "You're okay...you're okay now. I am not going anywhere."

And with that statement alone, you wanted to tear up all over again. You tried to reign in your emotions and choke back a sob. It was so unfair that he had this effect on you.

When you were feeling down you did not want anyone else to tell you that it gets better. You did not want to be lead on with false hope of an empty promise. He didn't do any of that. You needed someone to tell you that it is okay to be sad, it is okay to be upset, and that your feelings are validated. 

You did not need someone who would tell you that things would fix itself because it rarely does. You still had a lot of inner turmoil, there was still so many unresolved issues that you had buried in the recesses of your mind thinking that if you left it alone long enough, it would go away. Right now, you just needed someone who wouldn't judge and tell you that it's okay to sometimes not be okay.

You slightly hated yourself a bit more just now...as if you didn't already loathe yourself enough because of your quirks. Here you were, acting up while he had other more important things to be attending to. You have probably bothered him more than enough for one evening. Yuri should really start focusing on the competition.

You bit the bottom of your lip as you tried to come up with something to say. You were rather conflicted. You knew he had to go, heck you were planning on telling him that you will be alright on your own for now and that he needn't be concerned with you...but at the same time, you desperately wanted him to stay. You felt like you needed more time to clear your thoughts and Yuri was acting as a perfect buffer in order for said thoughts not to spiral out of control.

Once you've composed yourself a bit more, you looked at him in the eye and gave him a weak smile. You slowly tried to slip away from his grip and held his hands in yours. 

Your expression lightened once you had a grasp of his calloused hands, "I'm..." you faltered a bit and had a change of mind as to what you were about to say, "You better go, Yuri. The competition's about to start."

His eyes widened a bit at what you said. He would be lying if he said he wasn't the least bit put off by your remark. He knew that you weren't intentionally trying to brush him away...but still. He was about to open his mouth to say something in protest but you cut him off by stepping closer towards him and placing a chaste kiss on his cheek which in all honesty, came as a surprise to him. He really hadn't a reason to complain.