His Little Fae

Incandescent Flames

Ever on and on I continue,
Circling with nothing but my hate in a carousel of agony,

Till slowly I forget and my heart starts vanishing,
And suddenly I see that I can't break free.

I'm slipping through the cracks of a dark eternity,
With nothing but my pain and the paralyzing agony.

To tell me who I am, who I was,
Uncertainty enveloping my mind,

Till I can't break free.
__________________________

If there's one thing I've always prided myself on, it's my self control. My ability to pull back before it was too late, to shove away unnecessary thoughts and feelings, to never allow myself to get lost in my anger, because I know that acting upon it will get me absolutely nowhere.

However, I will admit, sometimes the mask slips. Sometimes the blood running through my veins is set ablaze, and nothing can rid me of that burning feeling except physical contact. Sometimes, I simply lose it.

Now that I really think about it, I'm not a person who is easily angered. I don't suddenly snap at people out of nowhere, not unless they do something to truly upset me. Of course, I do love to fight, and when Damien and his gang brought a battle to my doorstep I was quick to take advantage of it, but fighting does not always allude to anger.

However, in this case, it did.

In all my nineteen, nearly twenty years, of living, I have never allowed anyone to get away with insulting my family, or my people. One of Zac's friends had carelessly tried one of those shitty "yo mama" jokes on me, and let's just say, he's never tried to mock anyone since. If there was one thing that could make my blood begin to boil in seconds, it was when someone spoke ill of them, even if they were merely joking.

Because the fact is that when someone is truly gone, when their soul has fully left this world, the only thing you can do is keep their memory alive from within the darkest corners of your conscious. You're responsible for ensuring that every word that is spoken of them is truly able to carry the weight of their faded existence. Petty insults, and blatant disrespect should not be permitted.

Besides, what else can you do when the people you considered home are no longer with you? You can either find somewhere else, whilst keeping them in your thoughts, or you could constantly dance along the lines of life and mortality with the hopes that you'll be reunited with them, but with the fear of what is on the other side.

Victoria had insulted my people once, and I had let her walk away with a tiny bruise on her jaw. Not because I didn't go all out, no, but because Livius forbade me from hurting her. And the respect I had for his words were enough to make me pull back. The love and adoration my soul held for him were enough to make me shove my anger aside.

Whether I liked it or not, that man was my true and only weakness. He's the only person who could make me hesitate in my steps, the only wolf who could make me flush and look away, and even now his words were ringing in my ear, an image of him saying them flashing in my mind's eye.

A Luna never hurts her own.

They were weighing on my conscious, willing me to just forget it, to turn away from her. I was mad at him, and yet I still didn't want to upset him. I didn't care what he thought, and yet I was still hesitating.

To think that it would take a situation like this for me to realize the true intensity of my feelings for him. For me to realize that the grip he had on my heart and mind were not only caused by the mate bond, but instead were the result of my own subconscious. For me to finally come to terms with the fact that I had fallen so deeply for him that I knew there was no way of digging my self out.