His Little Fae

Monody (II)

When I am dead, my dearest,
Sing no sad songs for me;

Plant thou no roses at my head,
Nor shady cypress tree:

Be the green grass above me
With showers and dewdrops wet;

And if thou wilt, remember,
And if thou wilt, forget.
______________________

It was my fault.

This entire mess was my fault.

I had brought this upon them, brought this danger to their doorstep.

G.A.

Gabriel fuckin Augustine. That damned bastard did this to those children.

He had remained in Livius' territory, even after I had told him I wasn't going anywhere.

To think that he let in some shitty vampires as well, all to hide his presence from everyone except me, so that I alone could feel this guilt.

He was a bastard. A real bastard.

And yet this was still my mistake, even if he'd committed the act. I practically paved the way for him.

He knew from the very beginning that I would never rat him out to Livius. That I wouldn't say a word to anyone, all because he was a fae.

My fault. My mistake.

I couldn't help it as my knees gave out beneath me, the truth hitting me like a slap to the face. I didn't care if my skin would bruise, or if someone found me leaning on the floor over some stupid crown.

I should have told him.

I should have told him.

From the very beginning, I should have told him. Even if he yelled at me for wandering off on my own. Even if he hunted Gabriel down. Even if it was a betrayal to my kind.

Leaving Livius in the dark was a betrayal to our bond.

Who the fuck cared that I was still mad at him at the time? That we still weren't completely getting along? Why did two innocent pack members have to pay for my own stupidity?

Against all of my restraints, a choked sob escaped my lips as I bent over, my legs tucked beneath me and my hair falling in my face.

Those dead bodies...

I could feel the weight settling on my shoulders when an image of those lifeless corpses flashed in my mind's eye.

I had done that to them. Their Luna, meant to guard and protect them alongside their Alpha, had led them to their deaths.

I should have told him.

That day I had stood there debating whether he should know, I should've just came out with it. I should've thought about what lying would mean. I should've foreseen what Gabriel was capable of, instead of simply thinking of myself, and how it would've affected me alone.

Even if that didn't stop this, I still would've done my part, still would've made him just a little more aware.

If I had, this weight wouldn't be here, dragging me deeper into an abyss of grief and self-loathing.

I had caused this.

Even if it wasn't directly my fault in that regard.

Earlier than that, if I had agreed to go with them in the first place, Gabriel wouldn't have even felt the need to do this, to make me physically unable to face anyone.