A LEAP OF THE EARLY BIRD

Sacrifice...

What would one sacrifice for the beloved? Would it be a small thing? Would it be grand? Or would it be the ultimate sacrifice of one's own happiness? Could one be willing to give up so much? Would one be strong enough to put the beloved's life before theirs? Sanem Aydin was a fragile bird bracing herself against strong winds blowing her way. She decided to leap against that wind with all the love in her heart, and forced herself to believe that Can Divit would have a far better life without her in it...

She stood. And watched. The sight of the taxi moving away from her was more symbolic than she would have dared to admit at that moment. Can left with Polen, and all she could do was watch and beg her eyes to fight back tears so that Levent would not have suspected anything. She could not go with him. Would not go. Not because Can begged her not to. Or maybe because he did. She trusted him and his judgement. So she rejected Levent's invitation, even if it meant not finding out with certainty if he could have been her albatross. Deep down she knew he was not. She was left alone on the sidewalk, and felt more lonely than ever.

She walked for a long time before she decided to head home. She dared not to walk by the embankment because mere thoughts of it gripped at her heart. He loved her, but he would move on. Maybe that was for the better? Maybe they were not meant to be? She knew it would be hard, harder than anything she had gone through, but she would have to convince her heart that she just could not measure up to anyone that could match Can's lifestyle. It hurt her to admit it, but she began to see that perhaps their feelings were no match for the reality of life. Were they indifferent to each other? No. Were they immune to the calling of their hearts? No, again. Were they too afraid to let go of fear and fight for their love? Here was where the issue lay. He had been bold in telling her that he listened to his heart and wanted to pursue her. But she let the fear of her lies overshaddow her love for him. And the pain of that truth cut her to the core.

The moment she got home she received a call that would haunt her, and their future. Polen reached out to her because Can was missing. Every cell in her body knew where he had gone. Where he fled. Because he wanted to be left alone. She wanted to keep the secret of his cottage to herself. She wanted to make sure he was left to himself in his safe haven. But Polen persisted and threatened Sanem to go looking for him alone. And again, fear won over her feelings. She drove with Polen to the cottage. She was right. He was there. All she wanted to do was to run in there and make sure he was safe and alright. But Polen stopped her. And she oblidged Polen, not knowing that her decision to stay in the car would cause her to leave with another blow to her heart.

She stayed behind, and Polen walked to the cottage. And she stopped mid-step. Can was in fact there, but so were Sanem's photographs. It all became clear to her. She was confused. But then confusion gave way to her furious ego. She wanted to run in there, filled with fury fueled by the fact that she was being cast aside because he fell for some nobody with an unknown name. Some Sanem from the lowest department of the agency. She had nothing and meant nothing to those outside of her community. She was not famous. She was not educated. She was nowhere close Can's standard of beauty. But she took Can's heart away from her. Correction, she took it, because Polen realized his heart never belonged to her. If it did, Sanem would have meant nothing to him. She also realized something else. If she could not have him, neither would Sanem. She would make sure of it. One way or another. Her bruised ego would not let her rest until she made sure Sanem would not win Can. But damned if she would let them know how insulted she felt. She returned to the car and told Sanem to leave beause she would stay. As Sanem agreed to her demand, Polen realized that perhaps Sanem was blind to Can's feelings for her. If that were so, maybe she could have used that to her advantage. Maybe she could use Sanem's insecurities against her. Maybe she could play Can's feelings against him. Maybe she could make him change his mind about their own relationship after all...

Sanem left, having made a sacrifice that cut her to the core. She sacrificed her dream of a possible future woth Can one day. She sacrificed it for him. Because his happiness meant more to her than her own. Sitting at home, she knew that writing down the feelings she held inside would ease that pain of a defeated love. She meant what she wrote. Truth had been a disappointment. It offered no solace. It stole away dreams. It stole away hope. But in the world of dreams, hope and happiness were infinite. She could dream of love and be safe from pain. With or without Can, for the land of her dreams was limitless. She could dream of her beloved whether he was far, or just a desk away. Or a cup of tea away. She could dream of his embrace or his eyes or his smile. She would no longer permit her heart to wish for his love in real life, but she knew that to survive she would not be able to let go of the dream of his love. At least not yet.

She made a vow that from that moment on her dreams and her belief in who she was would lay in her hands, and hers alone. No one, not Emre, or Polen, or even Can would take away the light and the hope she felt inside.