A LEAP OF THE EARLY BIRD

Without a doubt...

Pain. It can make someone, or break someone... And the worst kind of pain penetrates deep into the soul, right through the heart, until it can no longer be contained within...

Can was going mad. There was no other way to put it. If there were, he hadn't the idea. He was standing in a room full of people, yet there was only one person there other that him. There was only one person there that his mind registered and his heart recognized. Sanem. Only Sanem. And for always, Sanem. The venue where Fabri's party was taking place in honor of the agency was packed. Yet Can only saw Sanem. And there was no way to hide it.

She came in, and stole the show. He did not have to look around to see that time had paused the moment she appeared. She did not just walk in. She glided in. Floated in. He could not figure out whether she floated toward him, or whether he pulled her closer to him. Though he tried to convince his heart to look away from her, he knew exactly how pointless it was. He was hooked. Still hooked...

Something happened when he was looking at her. Because she was looking at him too. He noticed she did not look away. Fabri was there, Emre was there, so was Aylin. But she only noticed him. Only looked into his eyes. That all-familiar pang of desire, love, and yearning shot through him. He realized that his heart beat in his chest so loud that it deafened his ears. All he could concentrate on was Sanem. A vision in blue. A stunning vision of blue. And he wished she still belonged to him...

She walked toward him. She smiled. For a moment, a small speck of time that seemed to last an eternity in itself, he forgot about the pain, he forgot about the lies, he forgot about past mistakes. She looked at him the way she always did. His heart and mind went back to the moment they shared on the beach, when he put his fear aside and just held her in is arms. His heart and mind went back to the moment they shared at his childhood residence, when he told her he fell in love with her while they held each other close. His heart and mind went back to the moment they shared at his home in the garden, when she told him she loved him - she had not even known how much those words meant to him. It mattered because she mattered. She still mattered...

Then, suddenly, the moment of possible hope for their future turned to hit him again with a new level of pain. Fabri walked passed him. He walked up to Sanem. Took her hand. Kissed it. And revealed that the dress she wore, the stunning vision of royal blue, was a gift from him. Can did not know whether to punch him for it, or himself for allowing for his heart to even think of letting Sanem back in. He was stunned. He was hurt. All over again. And he realized that his temper began to brew in him. It simmered, and he did not know if he could control it. Sanem turned to him. She seemed confused. Baffled. Lost somehow.

Fabri continued. It was as if he gloated, and kept speaking louder and louder. He asked for attention. And what he said next threw a punch directly at Can's gut. But it missed - and hit him right in his heart which already began bleeding due to reopened wounds. Fabri proudly announced that HE organized the party. In honor of Sanem. For her. For her birthday. And Can did not know if he could handle any more pain. Sanem looked confused. She kept looking back at him. Why? Why was she looking directly at him? For what purpose? Was she looking for help? Was she looking for answers? Or was she simply looking to check if she had hurt him - and was that her intention all along? Only thing was certain. He was done. Done pretending none of it mattered. Done pretending he was okay. Just done.

He turned. Walked. Walked away from the party, from Sanem, and everyone else. He did not look at anyone. Couldn't. His eyes stung as much as his pride and bleeding heart did. If Sanem intended to hurt him, she succeeded. He really was done. And realizing that hurt even more.

She ran after him. Out of the party. She called out his name. But he hadn't the courage to face her now. She caught up with him. Caught his arm. Turned him around. But he did not want to listen. Did not want to hear why Fabri threw the party for her. Why he gave her the dress. Or whether she would only work for Fabri, or turn out to be his beloved. What's worse, her explanations made no sense to him. As they never did, because he refused to understand. She told him she thought that he threw the party for her. That he gave her the dress. That he forgave her...

But he was too hurt to listen. To understand any of it. Too hurt to process through what she said. Too hurt for it to register in his mind, nonetheless in his heart. He said it was done. They were done. All done. The end. Though it hurt him to say it, he told her that from that moment on, she was no longer Sanem to him. She would only be another employee, a face in the crowd of co-workers. Just, the other one...

He though he succeeded in putting an end to his pain. But he was wrong. He did not just hurt her, he hurt himself more than he realized. She replied that if it was so bad for him to see her, then she would solve it. She said she was done. Done. With everything. With him, but what's worst, with work. She quit. He would no longer need to worry about seeing her at the agency. Needn't bother to look the other way. Because she was done. And she walked away, with tears in her eyes that cut right through him.

The steps she took, the sound of her heels on the sidewalk, rang louder than his pounding heart. But he realized that the further she walked away from him, the sound of those heels grew more quiet and quiet. He now stood on the sidewalk. Alone. More alone that he ever felt. She was gone from his side. The void of the space she left behind felt inexplicably unbearable. Because even though she was no longer there, she was still in his heart. Without a doubt. And for the first time in his life he honestly did not know what to do...