To All The Boys You've Loved Before 💌 Enhypen x Reader [ On-Hold ]

Chapter Forty Two [ Extra ] + Unedited

This is a collection of the madness in my head and everything that I thought for everyday. If you somehow gets your hand in this, please respect my words for I am fragile.

Thank you. × ×

- Page One -

They said someday, you'll feel sad without knowing why. Like you lost something very precious but forgot what it was, or you miss someone you never met.

In my case, I've already met her before but of course, you will not realize it until one day when you're alone, it will strike you like a deja vu to wherever you will be seating or standing, and realized that it had been there all along. You were just too damn to focus on what was more important you didn't notice.

And you know just what I want to say to her in the second chance I had met her again? When I'm with her in all the times she allow me to hang out with her, I forgot myself.

All I know is that she was there and is making me happy just by staying by my side, if only for a short while.

- Page Two -

You know what bothers me today? I think people just assumed I was damn too positive all the time, but just like the others, I needed a day where I just push my mute buttom and all I do is think or let the day go by without saying anything to recharge before I become my usual self.

But what really bothers me today is this girl. Even if she don't want to talk to, in the name of being kind, she still talked to me and I could see in her eyes that she's just tired.

It bothers me how she cried to me and pour her heart out to someone who she didn't know if he's given her a second thought. I just stayed there for her while wanting to say that one day, he'll just be another one of them - to the group of strangers that she will learn to forget.

Because that's life. It always goes on.

- Page Three -

There is a difference between being happy and being distracted from sadness.

I can say that I'm with my new friends here in Seoul, that's the distracted part of me. But when I'm with her, especially in those times, she's not thinking of the others, and just being glad at my company, that's the happy part of me.

She don't really see it how she affected me, I could feel it. Her mind is always wandering away in the present. She's a dreamer and that's what I love about her.

But I hated it about her as well. In that way, she seemed to look past over me to see him instead of me who's always there for her.

When will she realize that my eyes were just there waiting for hers to look back at mine?

- Page Four -

Today, I didn't talk to her for what I had seen between her and her fake boyfriend that she revealed to me willingly.

And I don't know. Maybe I feel jealous. I feel mad. I feel that I should hate her but do I really have the right to feel all these things if she was not the one at fault for me to feel this way?

I have a feeling that whatever is between us isn't destined to turn into anything more than friendship, but I still can't stop hoping that it will.

And surely she doesn't feel the same way even if she didn't get angry to me kissing her once, but I just want to to let know that I'll still fall inlove every time she smiled at me.

I'll also get lost in her eyes, and I'm sorry for making it harder for her but I can't help it. And goddamn it, it'll hurt me everytime I see her with him, but some of the best things in life cause the most pain, don't they?

- Page Five -

I don't know what's more tragic..

...that I keep being there with her all the time...

... and yet in just one call from any of them, mostly to him, she'll be fast to leave me just like that...

Or that I just let her do what she want with my heart?

- Page Six -

Her brother talked to me today and he was funny, yes, almost as funny like the boy she told me she liked. Daniel keeps asking me why I liked to be her friend, but I'm still pursuing her as well.

So what would happen once it turns out that I'm not your choice, after all?

I just answered a simple I don't know. I want to be friends with her in order to be close, but I don't want to at the same time. Not that I would ever let her know. I don't want to hurt that girl.

I mean, how can you simply be friends with a girl when everytime I look at her, I'm thinking about how much more I really want?

She's everything that I need, but that's not what I am for her... yet.

- Page Seven -

It feels bittersweet to love her. I know that she can make happy by her simple company, but at the same time, sad because I saw her in the Library with him. She was perfectly still and okay in his side.

For a time, while I'm hiding from the scene, you could almost tell the two were a real thing and everybody in the School believes it, but I don't. Not when she was the one to tell it's not real.

But anytime I know, it can be real and who wouldn't fall someone like Heeseung? Even I who was his own competition, felt he was right for her.

If it was in another chances and we're not in this kind of situation, I got a feeling we would've been friends. Or at least, I would never stop trying to get him as my friend.

But you know what will hurt and it will not stop?

Giving her the best of you and to watch her one day choose someone else.

💌 _________________________________ 💌

Do you know who this person is among the boys? It's sort of a diary for him. If you will remember some of the random facts that Enhypen said in their contents, you will realized how one of them said he has a diary and all the members said they didn't see him writing once.

He is this person. Who is it?

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