To All The Boys You've Loved Before 💌 Enhypen x Reader [ On-Hold ]

💌 Dear Noona 💌

Dear Noona,

Of course anyone will think if they read this, that the two of us was just another failed love story and I can say they're wrong because it is, just without love in return for me.

I was fourteen years old back then and was living in the belief I came to Korea to see my idols until she came into my life.

How clearly I remember that day, when she was standing in front of us in the first day with her timid smile! I have to admit that I didn't find her good looking or pretty at first. I'm unaware of the fact that this face will give me butterflies in my belly for the rest of my life.

Yes, I did annoy her in the rooftop and I still accept that it was the biggest mistake of my life, but trust me that was because I couldn't have known it would lead to something hurtful end at the end of the year.

We began talking and man, I have never imagined that hearing her cry about a fictional character can be so fun. And those little moments of me annoying her to no end had turned into following her around but poor me, unable to understand that I was slowly falling for her!

That's when I started noticing her, like how beautiful her face was!

And if I say beautiful, I mean breathtakingly beautiful. Those long lashes and pink lips that can make even a dog jealous. I still remember her every feature, how her lips curl up in a smile, and how she walks while avoiding everyone's eyes in the hallway.

And how she always brought a book in her hands even though it made her look a nerd. A pretty one, a pretty stupid one but I have a crush on that naive noona of mine. The list is endless and it haunts me if whether I can forget it or not?

All of this experiences was new to me. So, it was obvious that I can't understand what actually was happening, and before I can understand what's going on and stop myself from falling harder, I realised she was almost falling for me too.

I always ignored the hints because I thought how this stupid noona can like me? Those subtle hints like her opening up to me and how her face glows up whenever I made her laugh or how she agreed in letting me to visit at their house and what I liked the most is the alone time in the rooftop with her.

Those few moments were a bliss, but I should've known that this happiness will be short-lived.

Soon, in the same night of the dinner with her family, she became straight forward and told me how she actually reserved her heart for the bestfriend of her brother. He was a year ahead of me and in just one look at him, I knew right away why would she fall for him.

I managed the next few months distancing myself from her, and when I finally thought I'll move on, the letter was delivered to me by her dear brother who for sure, will never be ashamed of what he did. He told me he was helping her loveless life, so I became curious and read the letter once I came to my dorm.

It said all the things she wanted to say after I did not talk to her again and it was sad to know that had I pushed more, we could become everything I wanted us to be.

And I was devastated at the result when she leave for London, but instead of being an emotional mess, I tried to focus on my studies. In all those days though, I started to think about her. And I realized, that how naive I am.

Actually how naive I was.

I used to think that I am in love with her, but I was wrong. I realised that it was just mere infatuation, caused by all those stupid hormones of my body.

Day by day, I started to heal. Now, her face doesn't come in front of my eyes whenever I listened to some romantic song and neither I daydreamed about her. I started believing it that what I had was infatuation, nothing else. But what about those goddamn butterflies?

Who started smiling like a little kid whenever I saw her and what about my stomach twisting in thousand knots whenever I hear her name? My infatuation theory doesn't have answer to this.

This year, we moved to London and my sister and I went to this famous cake shop. In exactly the same day she was there. I tried my best to not melt this time, but I failed again. I was sitting on one of those seats near the front when my eyes landed on her table, and soon those butterflies attacked again.

This time with another level of intensity after having died in three years.

But my poor heart thought that now I can ask her on a date finally? Until I saw her again after a week.

I didn't know she was still with him? I mean, you, noona. And you didn't even tell me about him that night in the hospital?

I was devastated. I didn't want to believe seeing you with Park Jay, but evidences were in front of my eyes. How can you do that?

Again, I tried my best to heal myself. I made tons of new friends, met some really pretty girls who were genuinely interested in me, but my mind was still lingering for you. Every damn place. Every damn sad song hurts. It really does.

Wasn't all this torture enough when you decided to leave my life for forever three years ago?

I know it wasn't your fault and it's mine for not moving on but how can I let you break those walls which I have built over all this time in just one meeting? How can I let you make me vulnerable again?

How can I still be waiting for nothing from you?

I decided then, I won't give up.

Call me stupid, dumbass or whatever you want but I seriously wanted to pull through if I could.

I have realized now that this wasn't infatuation. It's love. It's love for what my naive heart thought love was. And I don't regret it. How can I regret such a beautiful thing? You gave me so many firsts.

My first crush, my first love, my first happines, and of course, my first heartbreak.

I won't say goodbye because it kills the hope to meet again and you know how I suck at saying goodbyes.

I'll just hope, we meet each other again. This time a bit more mature. I hope you won't see me just a kid because I am not anymore.

From your Mr. Tsundere,
Nishimura Riki.

Ps. I still love you and for me, you're that crush that never really goes away.