Reina [HS]

23.

God, I wish I could die.

I'm in class, listening to Mr. Miles as he talks about photography in modern days or something like that.

Well, that's a lie.

I'm not actually listening, I'm not even sure if that's what the topic is to be honest. Mr. Miles lost me right at the beginning, two fucking hours ago.

And we still have half an hour left.

I'm seriously going to kill myself.

School started up again 3 days ago and even though I thought I'm prepared to be back... I was obviously very wrong. I'm only just starting to really appreciate the Christmas break, because now that I have to go to school and work again I feel like I'm barely alive.

I'm already so fucking tired, getting out of bed feels like the biggest challenge every single day and it's only the first week of the new year.

I'm barely functioning, it's like I'm constantly on autopilot, dragging through each of my tasks without any kind of care in the world.

My body feels like it weighs a thousand pounds, my mind is numb and my head hurts, and all I want to do is stay curled up in a ball in my bed all day long.

I can't even remember when was the last time I smiled, but the memory of crying myself to sleep every night since New Year's Day is clear in my mind.

You're probably wondering what got me jumping for joy, so where should I begin?

Waking up alone after New Year's Eve was definitely a start... I had a rough night and I know asking Harry to stay in my bed was definitely a moment of weakness, but that doesn't mean it was any easier to wake up to the empty space next to me.

I'm not sure what to think of it, but I had the time of my life with him that night at the club. I have no idea what has gotten into me, but suddenly I just couldn't control myself around him.

His touches sent electricity running through my whole body and once I started I simply couldn't get enough. He was addicting, I couldn't stop the small touches or all that staring and when he asked me if I wanted to dance I already knew I was in big trouble.

I don't know where all that courage came from– well, the amount of alcohol I drowned myself into definitely helped.

It's safe to say I've never done anything even close to that kind of dancing, and even though I was basically shitting my pants the whole time his body was pressed against mine, it still felt right.

Everything I've done with him felt right.

Harry just has the ability to make me feel comfortable no matter what we do, and I guess that was the main reason behind my actions.

I don't know what I was thinking, I didn't even realise what I was about to do until he pulled away. His rejection was like a hard slap across my face and I don't think I've ever felt more embarrassed in my entire life.