Reina [HS]

40.

Part I of the double update.

Blue eyes. Heart-shaped lips. Deep, guttural moans.

It had been 14 days since I last saw Elizabeth and she was all I could think about.

She occupied every single one of my thoughts, every time I closed my eyes I saw her, and I could kill just to hear her sweet voice and feel her touch on my skin even just for a second. I missed her so fucking much.

The last time I was in New York things didn't go so well between us. We thought we were ready to take the next step but as it turned out, we were very much wrong. We tried, it didn't go as planned and the result was two broken hearts.

To be completely honest, this whole back and forth thing was pretty hard on me. I was as patient as I could possibly be, I did my best to understand her, to give her time, but building it up only to then start from square one over and over again was... well, tiring, to say the least.

It wasn't easy to be the stable, composed and calm one all the damn time. Especially not when I was between the legs of the love of my life with my dick as hard as a rock, while she rejected me for what felt like the hundredth time. And don't get me wrong, I didn't blame her for a second, she absolutely had her reasons and the last thing I wanted for her was to rush into something she wasn't a hundred percent sure of.

On the other hand though, I'd be lying if it didn't hurt. She pushed me away, put her walls up and it felt as if her trust towards me was breaking a little bit each time. It didn't feel good, I felt like I was failing and I wasn't sure what to do to help her and make the situation better. Giving her time was one thing, but I couldn't really do much when she was the one who initiated it every single time.

I also hated the broken look on her face whenever we failed to go further, I could tell it wasn't her intention to make this so complicated. It was hard for the both of us and the whole thing just became this unbearable pressure, putting an unnecessary weight on our shoulders. It shouldn't be this difficult so I wondered what was wrong...

We had tried to talk about it after I finished showering and successfully managed to calm down. I apologised for being a dickhead and reacting the way I did, Elizabeth telling me that she understood completely. We eventually got to the conclusion that it was probably best if we put this whole thing aside for a while until she felt comfortable enough to talk about it and also be more intimate with me again.

We had to step back and slow down, because it was quite obvious that this whole back and forth shit was not doing us any good.

We agreed that it wouldn't change anything between us though, that we were still the same Harry and Elizabeth, only with a bit less sexuality in the mix for a while. It's not like we had the chance to do anything anyway, we both knew that we would once again be apart for weeks.

Having that talk and getting on the same page should've eased my mind. It should've made me relax, knowing we were good, everything was fine between us and we were okay. However, that's not what happened.