Reina [HS]

36.

okay so this is almost 10k words of smut, don't ask me what happened I think I got a bit carried away.....  have fun reading;)

It had been two days since the last time Elizabeth and I talked. We had our first fight and it wasn't pretty.

I had been feeling like shit ever since, knowing I didn't handle the situation quite well. I acted like an asshole and talked to her in a way I knew was very far from right, but unfortunately I couldn't take my words back.

So I was left drowning in my own self pity and guilt, trying to figure out how to make it right. A simple apology didn't seem good enough and honestly I just wanted to throw everything away and run to her, drop down to my knees and beg for her forgiveness.

On the other hand though, I was scared that I was being too much. I was already pushing her too hard instead of giving her space like I knew she wanted me to, so I wasn't sure if she'd be very happy if I showed up like that, out of nowhere. I knew I was asking a lot and that opening up was hard for her, but I wished she would let me in at least a little bit.

I felt so helpless and at a loss for what to do, I wanted her to trust me and to put some of the weight onto my shoulders so we could carry it together, but she was so set on doing it on her own and leaving me out of it that I think she didn't even consider that option.

Nothing hurt more than to see her like this and not being able to do something about it. She was so broken and drained, clearly in survival mode and the fact that she kept pushing me away made me so fucking angry. It didn't give me the right to talk to her the way I did though, and as soon as that phone call ended, I immediately regretted every single word.

I wasn't just angry with her, I was also very much annoyed with myself. I felt like I was failing, that I couldn't give her the support she needed and admitting that was painful. I also hated the distance, I hated that she was so far away and that it made everything so much harder. I wanted to see her, touch her, and tell her that it was all going to be okay.

"Hey! Earth to H!" I was suddenly snapped out of my daydream, making me focus on the hand that moved up and down right in front of my face.

"Sorry, what?"

"I said, do you want to go again?" Jeff stared at me expectantly and I blinked at him with my guitar in hand, suddenly realising where I was.

We were doing tour rehearsals, just like we had been in the last couple of weeks. It honestly started to seem like it was the only thing I did these days, aside from the occasional interviews and photoshoots here and there.

It's not that I didn't enjoy it, because I definitely did and I couldn't wait to get back on the road, but I had to admit, my mind was elsewhere these days. All the way in New York, if I was being honest. It was hard to keep my focus when all my thoughts were clouded by this one brunette in particular.