Reina [HS]

41.

part II of the double update — aka a very detailed discription of their first time:))

"What is it?" I asked Harry in a whisper as he stared at me, time stopping around us.

There was this special glint in his eyes, like he couldn't believe this was reality. I felt it too. There was something different about tonight, something special. I didn't know what exactly, but I could feel it.

Everything around us was heightened, like it was all on another level. I felt like I could be crushed by the intensity of the moment, as if it was way beyond me. My chest was tight with my overflowing love for him and I wanted to say so many things, yet nothing came out. I was so stunned, my mind was a mess, but my desire to have every single part of him had never been so clear and strong.

In these last two weeks I had been thinking about us basically non stop. I had a lot to figure out and I knew I had to do it on my own, but it wasn't easy. Looking deep inside yourself and being one hundred percent honest with yourself is never easy. But it needed to be done, it was necessary for me to find the reason why my brain kept sabotaging me, because we were both hurt by it greatly.

I could feel him put that strange distance between us after we agreed on slowing down and I quickly realised I didn't like it at all. I wasn't sure if he did it intentionally or if it was more of a subconscious decision, but it sucked nonetheless. Now I knew he felt it too and the way he broke down not even ten minutes ago, revealing his insecurities that I had zero idea of, broke my heart.

I didn't even think about the possibility of Harry searching the problem within himself, the idea seemed absurd. He was the most loving, gentle, caring person I had ever come across and the fact that he couldn't see that and he was so afraid of making a bad move, shocked me, to say the least. As it turned out though, this was coming from somewhere way deeper and I was sure we would have to work on this mindset of his a lot. I could only hope that my reassurance was enough for now.

My decision to come and surprise him was sudden. Once I managed to put everything in place in my own mind, the urge to see him and feel his closeness again was stronger than ever. I just had to feel his lips on mine, I had to feel his skin under my touch and I knew if I didn't take this step now, then I most likely would've gone crazy.

So from pretty much the rest of the money I had, I bought a plane ticket. I then called Jeff and asked for his help. I told him my plan and he was happy to cooperate with me and arrange everything, so before I knew it, I was packing a bag and calling a taxi to take me to the airport.

I wasn't really sure what to expect, but it certainly wasn't this version of Harry. Every time we talked on the phone lately, he sounded fine. He maybe wasn't as chirpy as usual, but he seemed like he was okay. However, the second he stepped into the house, I could tell something was wrong.

He seemed so fucking exhausted, like he was barely standing on his feet. He looked like he was drained from every ounce of energy and my heart broke a little bit at the sight. I knew how much he loved touring and I hated the thought that this was how it was going so far...