Birds of a Feather (Oswald Cobblepot)

The Monkey and the Zookeeper

    Don Maroni strolls into the GCPD along with one of his men. Oswald and Gabe had fallen asleep waiting from them, and I don't blame them, it's nearly the end of my shift and Maroni's only just now shown up. I quickly make my way upstairs, where I can still watch the show, but be unseen by Maroni and Oswald. Wouldn't want Maroni finding out Oswald's girlfriend is also a cop for the GCPD, but then again, the ones who have been finding out have been taking it surprisingly well. Guess there isn't much difference from being a cop and a crook in Gotham.

"Penguin," Maroni grumbles, as he stands tall in front of his cell,

Oswald leaps up from his sleep, and pulls his jacket back on, "Hi. Sir...ha...Don Maroni, thank heavens you're here."

"You look kind of frosty," Maroni observes, his tone smooth but distant.

Oswald looks down at himself, and tries to excuse it with a smile, "Forgive me...I've had nothing but a moist towelette since yesterday morning."

"A very sad picture," Maroni nods to himself, "you know why you're in there?"
Oswald shrugs, "I have no idea-"

"Rhetorical question!" Maroni interrupts, "You're in there, because I put you in there."

Oswald stutters out his response, "But Don Maroni...why? What did I do?"

Maroni's face stone cold, he asks, "Do you know what hubris is?"

Oswald gives a confused expression, and Maroni repeats, "Do you know?!"

"...s-sorry, ha...I-I thought that was another...rhetorical...question...mph, yes, I do, hubris, it's when-"

"It's when limping little chicken butt second bananas think they're hot stuff," Maroni finishes.

"Sir-"

He interrupts again, "When dumbass underlings raise taxes without asking me first."

Oswald lowers his head, "Yes sir-"

"On fishermen! You raised taxes...on fishermen! They're out there in the freaking ocean risking their lives for us, and you raise their taxes without asking me?"

There's a long pause between the two of them before Maroni finally finishes, "That's hubris, my friend."

"I'm sorry Don Maroni...deeply...sorry. I will never do it again," Oswald apologizes in his most sincere fashion. Somehow, I can tell he's telling the truth, but this is Oswald, so...at what cost?

Maroni nods, "Alright then."

He turns around to Detective Alvarez and points to the cell, "Hey you...let my friends out."

"...excuse me?"

"What? Am I talking Hungarian? Open the cage, moock!"

Alvarez, in clear fear of Don Maroni, puts down the phone he was answering and unlocks the cell, letting out Oswald and Gabe, Maroni extends a single arm to give Oswald a hug, but as soon as Oswald goes in to take it, Maroni pulls back.

"Holy mother, you stink."

Oswald looks down at himself, and can't help but nod.

"Let this be a lesson to you, yes?" Maroni warns.

"Yes sir," Oswald answers without question, although I can already taste the aggression in his tone.

"You're a smart monkey...but you're a monkey. And I'm the zookeeper," Maroni cups Oswald's chin in his hand, examining his black eye. After a few seconds, he lightly slaps his cheek, "Ah, you're alright."

Oswald smiles, but as Maroni turns away, his smile quickly turns into a fierce look of loathing. Looks like Maroni's next on Oswald's hit list.