Birds of a Feather (Oswald Cobblepot)

Forgive Me For the Intrusion

   I sneak back into my apartment through the fire escape. The sun is low in the sky, and I need to get ready for work. One leg in after the other, I clear the wall space separating the window and the floor of the apartment. After cleaning up my clothes from last night, I cross into the living room. In the past two weeks I’d furnished the apartment to my liking. I have a white rectangular dining table with matching chairs. I cleaned up the counter and stove that came with the apartment, and they’re both now in semi-working order. I’ve hung up an old picture of me and Ed from our high school graduation. Even then, he was so much taller than me, and I’d noticed during our breakfast that’s he’s grown even more, and lost weight. I probably look like his pudgy little sister in comparison. I treated myself and bought a small, brand new white studio piano, along with an old radio. Finally, I found a nice, if somewhat used, black leather couch, and yes I went over it with a black light before buying it. But upon that couch, his right arm splayed over the top of the couch, is Oswald, clutching a slightly withered bouquet of flowers,

“You’re home early;” he gets up and paces toward me, holding the flowers behind his back as if I hadn’t already seen them. He gets close enough and whips them out, “for you.”

“Yeah, no,” I back away from him, “if you think I can be won over with a handful of dead plants-”

“Oh, no no no!” he stops me pleadingly, “I’m...I’m not asking for your forgiveness. This is merely a...a gesture, of, of...friendship! And good faith!”

I look him over. He’s clearly used some of his paycheck to buy himself a nicer suit, although his sense of style is strange to say the least. A dark suit with the lapels flared out, the tie crossed in front and pressed with a blood red bead. And now, seeing him in something that actually fits him, I realize...wow he’s thin.

“If you really want to show a gesture of good faith you’ll tell me how you got in here.” I respond, crossing my arms.

“I told you, I can jimi the doors,” he leans in, smiling knowingly, “and as you’ve just demonstrated, those windows by the fire escape open easily.”

“I should install an alarm.” I realize, striding over to the door, but as soon as I grab the handle Oswald throws out his arm.

“Wait, wait! I...I want to patch things up, between you and I.”

My hand still firmly gripping the knob, I turn my head to him, “What is there to patch up? You were blackmailing me into being your girlfriend.”

“Not my girlfriend, only as a confident, that was your choice,” he points out, but his accusing finger soon lowers itself, “I apologize, truly, what I did was wrong, and I should be punished-”

I twist the knob and open the door, but Oswald rushes me, grabbing my wrist with one hand and slamming the door shut with the other.

“But...please, don’t make my punishment...banishment from your life,” his voice becomes low and throaty with each phrase, as he sways his head from side to side. His hand moves from my wrist, up my arm, and rests on my shoulder, “I could be a valuable asset to you. I already gave you your first candidate,” he starts pacing circles around me, still keeping a single hand on my shoulder, “we know that Fish is looking to take out Falcone, and she’s using that cronie Nikolai as a vehicle to take his place.”

He picks a red carnation from the bouquet, setting the rest of the flowers down on the table, he snaps the stem off of the flower and places the flower in my hair, “That looks wonderful on you.”

I can’t help but smile. Not because no one has ever given me flowers before, well, technically Ed did, but only to pick them apart and identify what they symbolize. What a way to ask me to Prom. While I’m sure a girl like that girl Kristen he mentioned would’ve found that romantic, I just...didn’t. That’s why I don’t think I could ever date a guy like Ed, too technical.