Birds of a Feather (Oswald Cobblepot)

At Least She Can Sing

    Standing in front of a brightly lit mirror, I hold up the costume Ann gave me. It’s a black leather one piece with a matching belt partially sewn on. The label on the back reads: Black Canary Clothing in detailed cursive. I slip this on along with the fishnet stockings and hooker boots. On the dresser attached to the mirror are scattered various accessories and makeup. I choose a black choker necklace as well as a pair of black gloves. Applying eyeliner and a dark colored lipstick, I take a look at the final product in the mirror, memories flooding back of all the times I had to go undercover as a sex worker while I’d worked with the CIA. This can’t be too different, right?

“Uhm...you’re Trixie, right?” it’s one of the waiters, sporting a crisp shirt and velvet red vest. I guess anyone’s allowed in the dressing room.

“Yes, and you are…?”

He jumps, having not expected me to ask, “Oh, I’m just one of the waiters. The name’s Lazlo. I just came to tell you, you’re on in ten.”

I nod, “Thank you Lazlo.”

“You’re welcome, ma’am.” he stutters, before quickly exiting.

Strange, the guy seemed nervous for some reason. Maybe that’s just his demeanor...or maybe he knows something.

I sneak over to the band and tell them the song I want them to play. They nod, and I disappear behind the curtain, lining myself just offstage.

There’s a light applause as I step onstage. I face the audience and see Fish at her personal table, with Oswald standing directly behind her. Our eyes lock and his eyes widen, clearly he did not expect me to be so scantily clad.

My eyes turn to the pianist in the band, I give a slight nod, and the band raises itself to play,

“Buddie beware, buddie better take care. Though at heart I’m a pearl, I’m a difficult girl, so buddie beware,” since there’s no mic for me, and I don’t need one anyway, I play out to the audience, mostly moving my shoulders and hips along with the beat. I start moving about the stage, stepping forward with my legs and continuing to actively move my hips. I make gestures with my hands to indicate the lyrics, “your devotion I prize, but you must realize my boys, other girls’ luxuries are my necessities, so buddie beware,” there’s a dance break, and I start with simple skips, letting my hands go up as I circle the stage. I do a couple of quick turns, before returning center stage for the finish, “I feel I should put you right, as I lie in bed at night, as the twinkling stars gleam on, with my cold cream on, I’m a lovely sight. And another thing too, when I’m married to you my sweet: if to come home you fail, I’ll open all your mail. So, buddie beware!” I hold the final note for several seconds, ending with my arms outstretched. There’s an uproarious applause from the audience, and I take a bow before heading offstage.

“Not bad kid, but I have to say, that outfit would look better on a blonde.” Ann compliments, patting me on the back.

“Thanks.” I reply, smiling, while still in shock no one threw tomatoes during my performance.

I start walking to the dressing room when Lazlo comes running toward me, “Trixie, Ms. Mooney wants to see you, now.”

I bite my lip. This can’t be good. I follow him out to the restaurant area, where Fish lies in wait, her chin resting on a dainty finger,

“You were quite good darling, but there’s one more test I need you to pass,” she gestures to Oswald, who steps forward slightly, “you’re aware our girls may occasionally need to apply certain, other talents. I want you and Oswald to go up to one of the private rooms for about, say, an hour or so, and afterwards, I want you,” she points to Oswald, “to tell me how it was. Gilzean will show you to your room,” she snaps her fingers and a large, jovially smiling in a dark suit walks up to us, “have fun.”

The man leads the two of us up the stairs, “So, is this either of your first times?” he asks in a cheerful, boisterous tone.

“Yes.” Oswald blurts out, as if he’s proud of that fact.

“No.” I lie, keeping my voice low.

We come up to a tall, dark wooden door, which blends in perfectly with the dimly lit atmosphere of the hallway and the club itself.

“Well, you heard Mooney, have fun, but, hehe, try not to get too loud, there might be others next door.” he opens the door, pushes the two of us in, and closes it, the lock clicking behind us.

My shoulder is touching Oswald’s from Gilzean having pushed us through the door. I glance over at Oswald, half expecting him to pounce onto me, but he glances back, his expression almost angry,

“We’re faking it, aren-”

I press my finger against his lips, shushing him, swivelling around and hooking my arms around his shoulders, his arms instinctively wrap around my waist, going a little lower than usual. I raise myself so that I whisper in his ear,

“Yes, we’re going to fake it, but that pervert Gilzean is probably listening outside, and if Mooney finds out we did, neither of us are going to keep our job. So you are going to moan, and I am going to scream like an animal, but the last thing we’re going to be doing is actually doing it.”

“Can...can we at least get into the bed?” he asks, gesturing to the black and red double bed in the center of the room.

I raise an eyebrow, “Fine.”

Surprisingly, he bends down, picking me up by the back of my knees and shoulders, carries me the short distance required, and throws me onto the bed. I land onto the hard, leather mattress, the light maroon sheets scrunching up against my backside. Oswald anchors himself on top of me, taking off his jacket and throwing it on the ground. He dives in, kissing my lips vigorously, straddling my hips and grasping a little lower than he should be.

I pull his arms off of me, “Slow down,” I say aloud. I chuckle, and smile, “let me at least take my shoes off, and you should too.”

“Oh...of course.” he replies, his eyes darting towards the door.

We get up off of the bed, and as I remove my boots, I glance over at Oswald, his expression sullen, and bitter, “What’s wrong? Don’t you find this funny?”

He leans in, keeping the volume of his voice low, “I just thought...you’d be comfortable with...you know...you and I-”

“Oswald, I known you for what? Two, three days at most, that’s an awfully short time to know someone, don’t you think?” I reply in a hushed tone.

He pushes me onto my back, more gently this time, “Romeo and Juliet had declared their love for each other by the third day.”

I reach up, brushing his cheek, “Well, we’re not exactly in fair Verona, are we?”

“True...but, would you ever...with me?”

I pause, “Honestly...I don’t know if I could with anybody.”

He nods, “I get it. I mean, when I thought, for just a moment, that we’d actually be doing it...I was scared but...but excited, so, excited.”

There’s a banging on the door, “Everything okay in there?” Gilzean asks. I knew he was outside.

“Wonderful, Mr. Gilzean.” Oswald replies.

“Make her cry for you Oswald, you hear me? I wanna hear her screaming for you.”

We lock into each other, our noses touching, and I smirk, trying my best to not laugh as I say audibly, “You heard him Oswald, make me scream.”

Song Natalie/Trixie Sings: “Buddie Beware” from Anything Goes (full song not included for length): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pfmLL5Uq344