Birds of a Feather (Oswald Cobblepot)

The Umbrella Boy

    As the night draws to a close, Oswald watches his mother dancing on the nightclub stage. They've won, and now with Fish Mooney's in his control, he can finally start carving out the life he's always wanted for his mother and himself.

Oswald walks up to his henchman, "Gabe, on your way to help my...dear friend Jim...could you, well...be a gentleman and take Mother home?"

He smiles, "Sure thing, boss. C'mon Mrs. K."

Gabe takes her hand as she drunkenly rambles, "A palace! ...my boy has a palace."

She walks up to hug him, and she whispers into his ear, "Such a good boy...don't worry. I will be back!"

Flinging around Liza's scarf, Mrs. Kabelput is led off by Gabe.

Oswald's tries to keep a mild expression as the two of them leave. Now...he can have his own celebration.

As soon as they're gone Oswald takes out an extra bottle of champagne. He'd made sure Trixie had gotten extra, and kept some bottles hidden under the bar. Taking the bottle out of the bucket of ice, Oswald drinks straight from it, formalities having completely disappeared with the absence of his mother. Grinning, he looks down at the bottle. Montagne de Reims, the same champagne that Trixie had given to him when they first drank together. Now, the drink reminds him of her.

Clutching the bottle to his chest, he licks his lips and chuckles to himself. If only Trixie was here now, they could share in this moment together. Alas, she'd been called away by Zsasz for work.

Already a little tipsy, Oswald backs into the wall, right next to the Fish Mooney sign, a large glass frame with the golden skeleton of a fish in the center. Pfft...tasteless. Fish never had an eye for decor. In his own spite, Oswald spits on the fish, laughing with an unrestrained mania. He's free of that witch, beaten her at her own game, and now what was once hers is now his.

He wanders around Fish Mooney's some more, drinking freely from his bottle of Montagne de Reims. He sits at the bar and rests his cheek on the black marble surface, running his arms over both sides. Oh...when Trixie gets back...the things he'll do to her. Perhaps right on this counter top. From where he sits, Oswald spots the table that Gilzean had bent Trixie over all those moons ago. Yes...back then he had just started as Fish Mooney's umbrella boy, and as a sort of initiation, Gilzean had insisted that Oswald take Trixie...right on that table. Back then, he couldn't even have imagined it...but now...the idea thrilled him.

Trying to put it out of his mind, Oswald gets out of the bar and heads toward the stage. He sees the glass that Jim Gordon had drunk out of earlier today, still sitting on the table. Yes, Jim Gordon...

Oswald imagines Jim sitting at that table, leaning back just so. His chiseled jaw framing that wonderful smile. As a toast, Oswald clinks the bottle with the glass, as Jim Gordon gives him a gesture of acknowledgement.

Putting down the bottle, Oswald gets up onstage and gets out the microphone. He imagines a large crowd having gathered for his announcement. The cream of society, as well as every mob boss and crimester known to man. A table's been reserved for his mother, Jim, and Trixie, in which they have a front row seat to the spectacle.

"Ladies and gentlemen...friends, celebrities from around the world. My name is Oswald Cobblepot. Hmm hmph...here we are at last. It is with deep...and sincere pleasure that I bid you welcome to the official grand opening of my newest night spot: the-"

Loud, stagnated clapping interrupts his moment of grandeur as Fish Mooney and Butch Gilzean enter the nightclub. Fish Mooney carries a large baseball bat, and does not look pleased.

"Not bad. I do believe you need to project more, just to create a bit more excitement for the audience."

She raises her arms and tips her head upward as she delivers her speech, "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome! ...to Fish Mooney's. Like that."

Oswald's expression grows grim as Fish Mooney starts marching toward him. She swings her bat around once for show as Oswald starts to make a break for it. As he runs to the side to get backstage, Fish throws her bat, knocking him in the back of the head. Oswald collapses to the floor as she nears. He scrambles to grab the bat, but just as he gets ahold of it she steps on his hand with her four-inch heel. Oswald yelps out in pain as she kicks him in the head with her other foot.

Getting up onstage, Butch Gilzean joins her, standing behind Fish with his hands folded behind him. Fish Mooney grabs her bat, and slams it into Oswald's stomach several times over. She then grabs him by the lapels of his shirt and lifts him upward. Butch takes him by both shoulders and throws him across the stage. He hits the end of the stage and falls onto the restaurant floor.

Walking back down, Fish Mooney plants her foot right in front of Oswald's face. Groveling to her, Oswald starts kissing her shoe.

"How are you liking show business now?" she asks, standing triumphant.

"P-...please Ms. Mooney, you're making a mistake," he begs, panting in desperation.

She looks down at Oswald as he makes his plea, "I-...I beg of you, let me speak. I know we've had our differences."

Fish nods as he continues, "We could combine our forces...think how'd we fool everyone."

"Me? Work with you?" she seems almost offended by the idea, as she leans downward, "I found you. I made you. When you walked in here, you were a sad little wannabe. ...remember that, Butch?"

Butch chuckles, "You were so afraid, shook like a leaf in fall."

Oswald looks up at the two of them. How dare they. But in his heart, he knows it's true. Before all of this, before the world he knows now, he was scrambling for a job. Like any other henchman or servant. And he was uncertain that there was anything else for him in the world. But then...then something changed. Something clicked in his mind, a spark or revelation that he was a man worthy of power, and capable of taking it. Something...someone.

"You're a servant...an umbrella boy. You're nobody," Fish shakes her head at him.

A chuckle begins to well out in Oswald's throat, "This nobody still outfoxed you at every turn."

Fish and Butch start walking back as Oswald's quelled snicker turns hysterical, "I was working for Falcone the whole time! And you didn't have the sense to see it!"

Just then, a gunshot's fired up into the air, signalling the arrival of Victor Zsasz and his henchwomen, "Hello. Seems like Mooney's is the place to be today."

Fish Mooney and Butch make a run for it, as Zsasz and his henchwomen make chase. Butch shoots one of the henchwomen, and Oswald gasps, turning his head. He breathes a sigh of relief when he realizes that the henchwoman wasn't Trixie.

As the chase moves down into the nightclub basement, Oswald shuffles his way off of the floor and into one of the restaurant booths. He slams his head onto the seat's leather lining, calming his racing heart. While he's won the battle today, he will never truly win the war until Fish is dead. If she slipped out of capture once, she could certainly do it again. And when she did, he'd be ready.  

Author's Note: Hope you guys enjoyed (or at least laughed at) The April Fools chapter! It was co-written by my good friend Kristina, follow her at kristyiskhuul on Tumblr.