The Girl At The Last

Chapter 6

Alex

I pushed myself out of the bed. It's been half an hour since I came home and did nothing. I did ignore texts and calls from my friend back there in Florida.

Edmund Sargent. A part of me was glad. He would never give up on me. But do I want my friends to root for someone like me?

Friends.

Why do I still call them that?

They are better off without me. And I was fine without them, they were Naive enough to trust me in the first place.

I know It was selfish, adamant of me to blame everything on someone else though I had a choice. But then who doesn't?

It's a reflex, wheels turning in one's head when they are too guilty of their actions. They blame a part of it on others so that the least they could breathe.

My thoughts dive back to the boy in Elaine's doorway. He could be her brother for all I know. Care.

But something bugs me that he's not. Not from the way he hugged her and the way she hugged him back.

It was none of my business to divulge on her personal life. I only want her friendship.

And then what? Ruin her, destroy her along with you like the curse you are?

Taking lazy strides towards the balcony I lean over the steel railing, the flat glass presses down my lower half as I rest my elbows on them.

My fingers brush against the drowsy green leaves that fluttered within my touch. As if coming alive.

Mom insisted I take this room owing to its adjoining space that she thought could help me improve my botanical skills. They were like the only implement that kept me sane these days.

But I know why she did it, by providing me the best room she tried her best to provide me with the luxury I was used to.

A strangled voice erupts at the back of my throat, I hate not knowing things. I accepted I felt alone in this new town where people tried to be nice to me but I had pushed them out. But got pushed away by a girl while all I wanted was her to let me in. Even a little.

"What do you think Aloe, should I call her?" I enquired the opinion of the thick Aloe vera strands, to which it stared me back with a pure look of boredom.

As if egoistically quoting. Since when did Alex white become so insecure?

Scowling over my stupidity I scroll across the contacts, my fingers hover right above the lane of her name. After a long fight of assuring myself that I was not being a creep and this is what everyone else does in order to grow a friendship. I texted.

Hi, got your number from mom;)

Shit.

Where did that wink come from? She must think I am an official sucker who keeps sticking to her like a piece of gum. That's what I would think if someone texted me like that.

The teen dramas and high school movies present teenage boys as tough and know it all's. Who are not a bit insecure about what they do. Confidence radiating from them.

But I sure felt like punching a hole through the wall. And that's was not something a confident person does.

Says the boy who's consumed arrogance for breakfast and pride for dinner.

Can my subconscious be somewhat supportive? At least pretend that it was encouraging me when I was struggling to change for the better.

But no, it still has to cling to the old self.