The Girl At The Last

Chapter 57

Elaine

"Stop pacing"

Calmly resting my back against the headboard my gaze automatically glides itself back and forth in an accord to Nathans movements like a pendulum. He pauses his disturbed parade as he throws a disbelieving look in my direction before resuming.

Sighing I play with the loose thread from the blanket as I simultaneously scan around Nathans room. Shaking my head with a shudder at the mess I browse back to my initial focus. The persistent attempt to stop his pacing.

"Will you quit doing that? It's creepy" he frowns, huffing sarcastically.

"I am a bothered human right now. And you just can't expect me to sit down and act cool. Like nothing happened" he stops. Turing his full attention at the wall above my head. The very walls that has been keeping me hostage for the whole of weekend.

"No Nathan. I am asking you to stop riling yourself up and stop worrying about me" I croak, taking a deep breath as I scowled, daring my brutal strength to rip that night apart from memory.

"Not worry about you? Great!" he chuckled mockingly as he made his way to the edge of the bed I was in and plopped down. The pallid brown walls of his room were depressing enough and to topple it above his sympathy and pitiful advancement towards me added up the condonation. But, it was suffocating. Providing an essence of anger in the place of gratefulness.

How weak exactly do people think I am?

Yes I was pushed into a pool by a boy who struggled with his demons. Who battled enough, but gradually lost himself and became one.

There was no denying that Alexander White is someone who I'll never forget till the end.

A curse I loved.

Loved, until it became a notion that I wanted to ridicule like never before. To damage such illusion to anyone who ever flourishes such delusional thinking. To break such dilemma that it ever brings happiness.

Instead I want to show them what it does. It brings changes.

A change so vile and cruel, that the person couldn't find the old self within them anymore.

Bitter, dark and sinfully damaged soul that only wishes to exist for the day it can corrupt every single emotion of expectation in them, till there is none. Leaving behind a hollow shell.

It took me two days.

"Why are you doing this to yourself El?" he sighs running a hand over his stressfully curdled face.

"Then what do you what me to do Nathan? Breakdown? Bawl my eyes out? Whine about how unfortunate I am? Then stop expecting it because I don't feel it. I can't Nathan. Not anymore" I snapped at him by the end, losing control in way that wasn't familiar to me. Heaving a breath I look at him, his face a shadow of interpreting analyzation.

"Then don't" he said, confused I looked away "don't breakdown. It's the last thing I want you to do. What I don't want is for you to lose yourself in the midst of this harbor. You have been through so much, but this time I saw a different outcome in you and it not good"

Silence fell upon us like a thick cloud, consuming anymore argument I had it in me.

"It's too late Nathan" I feel myself say, the taste of the words still lingering as it escaped. It hardly sounded like me, they weren't soft, determined and enduring, It was void and dead. Hopeless.

"El you ne-

"you did what I asked you too?" cutting him mid sentence I wheel the subject, he halts to look at me, his brown eyes searching mine for any leak or crack, with a futile look he shakes his head in defeat before nodding an acceptance.