Boyfriend Scenarios: Akatsuki

He sends you a message

Kisame:

Dear (name),

I’m sure you’re still pretty pissed that I left for that mission. But I really didn’t want to go, you know that right? Well, I’m hoping to finish it sooner than a year because I really want to come home right now. I don’t want Pein raging at you because I don’t want to continue the mission though.

It’s a crappy mission too. Nothing fun in the least – well except fighting. The fighting is pretty fun, but it usually is. Which it would be better if you were here.

Okay, I’m not good at letters okay? I miss you and can’t wait to come home. I’m safe and alive right now and I’ll make sure this letter gets to the village near the base in the morning. I’m letting Pein know I’m sending this so that you’ll be able to get it.

Love you

 

Hidan:

Hey (name),

So this mission – it’s bullshit. Yeah. Complete moronic trash. So don’t think I’m enjoying it out here by myself without you. Not that I’d enjoy it with you…but it’d be a fucking improvement. I hate this sneaking around bullshit, not enough fun. Not allowed to stab anyone either so it’s really making rituals a chore since I have to back track far out. Ya know that way the killings are far from where I’m doing the mission.

You better not toss out my hair stuff – I’ll fucking beat the shit out of you if you did! Or do…whatever. I hate fucking writing letters. I’m not some sappy main character in some fucked up chick flick pining over some bitch ass whore.

Cause you’re much better than those skanks.

I’ll try to hurry this fucking shit up and come home.

Love you

(there. I said it. You happy bitch?!)

 

Deidara:

(name),

I miss you so much! I hate being so far from you. Like, it’s so stupid. Why couldn’t pein let you come with me hm?! Like. Yeah, you’d be much better off right beside me. It’s not like you’d mess me up or something. Oh I know! He was worried I’d sweep you right off your feet and steal you away all on my own so the akatsuki couldn’t have you anymore, yeah?!

Well, I guess I would, yeah.

I’ve been stuck chasing these morons – which are worse than tobi, I swear. And I know I can’t tell you shit cuz then someone could maybe read this and then yeah know make it so I can’t come back to you. Which would be terrible.

Cuz life is like my art and it needs to be next to someone as perfect as you. I can’t write more cuz if I keep going I’ll waste the whole day!

Love you so much!!!! XOXOXOXO!!!!!

 

Itachi:

Sweet (name),

I’m sorry this mission is dragging on so long. I know I told you that I would ensure to come home swiftly, but there seems to be a few bumps in the road – so to speak. The mission is proving to be a bit more difficult than I had hoped. I am, however, in good health so you will be releived to know. I miss you severely.

I almost want to compare it to how much a – I’ll stop that right there. I just remembered how weepy you became last time I said something like that. Regardless you must know how much I worry and think of you. I hope you’re not eating dessert for breakfast…just because I’m not there doesn’t mean you’re allowed to.