Herophine - Short Stories

Flashing Lights (Part 4)

The next two weeks come quicker than I can handle as we arrive in Switzerland. My stomach is knotted and my body rigid. I try to focus all of my attention on Jo but she doesn't seem at all bothered by our destination. I don't understand how she is smiling and greeting people we pass with such a carefree attitude. It's pissing me off, the way she smiles at every person who has stopped us to get a photo with me and her, even after the accident the fans still supported and adored Jo. For that I was incredibly grateful, it was one of the few things that stayed the same and for my wife's sake I appreciated their kindness and loyalty.

I load the car up and place Jo inside. She taps in the address and we start our journey to the doctor of death. She was pissed at my reference but I can't think of anything positive to say about this situation or the people who condone it. Maybe if it was someone else, anyone but Jo I would see how and why it was done but the fact my soul mate and other half was being taken from me didn't and won't ever sit well. She told me to leave when we arrive, I want to but something in me won't allow it. I can't leave knowing I won't see her again, I won't feel her lips on mine, I won't ever feel complete or whole after this god forsaken day. I will take every moment I have with her, every fucking moment.

When we arrive it is very hospital like but personal at the same time, it is creeping me the fuck out. Jo however is still making every effort to make me feel comfortable and I see in her eyes how much she needs this. I realise she isn't trying to escape me or my love, she tried to live life but the fact of her limited existence and how it is killing her a little more each day she knew she wanted this, for her sanity. She wanted to leave me with her mind active, with memories she cherished rather than hate and resentment at the way she had to be. I do get it, every conversation has allowed me to understand and absorb her reasons but it doesn't make this easier. Knowing you won't see the one person who made life worth living, the one who makes you whole, the one who makes you want to be the best version of yourself for them, theat is the bit I can't come to terms with. I don't even remember life without Jo in it, it kills me inside knowing I will soon be finding out.

'Hero, we have some time together. The doctor will be back in 30 minutes with my medication' she says softly as the door closes. I look around to see we are in a bedroom, it's clean and crisp decor makes it feel open and spacious. It has simple decor and a vase in a small table. A bed with floral printed covers and a chair beside it. I feel my breathing change, I am suffocating.

'Can you lay me on the bed please baby, sit with me' she asks.

I lift her and hold her in my arms, I am so lost right now. I have no idea what the hell or how I am going to do this. I am trying to be strong for my wife but this is literally killing me. We lay on the bed as I prop myself against the headboard, Jo across my lap and her head on my shoulder. I lift her hand to my face, god I wish she would cup my cheek and hold me right now. She stares up at me planting a kiss on my jaw, her touch radiates through me and I smile down towards her.

'Baby, I love you. I am sorry for failing you' she whispers.

'Failing me, what the fuck Jo. You have done nothing of the sort. You are the strongest, kindest, loving, remarkable person I have ever met. You have never failed me since the day I met you. Don't say that to me, don't ever think it either' I say, angry but trying to control my emotions in our moments left.

'I failed you by not being able to life like this and for that I am and will remain sorry. I know you won't ever forgive me for this, I know it as do you so don't deny it please. No lies, not now, not ever like we promised. But one day, when you heal, I hope you understand this is no way a reflection on my love for you. I will wait for you, I promise but if you dare do anything stupid I retract that statement. You live, you love and you sure as hell better laugh hero. When you lay me to rest it is to celebrate mine and our life together. It isn't to mourn a loss because baby we had so much time together, we made the best memories and we sure as hell had the best sex in the world' she smirks at I pour my emotions into his mouth, I selfishly take every ounce of her in the kiss. I feel it, I feel her goodbye in her movements against my mouth and I take them.

When the door knocks and a doctor approaches my grip on her tightens, this is it. This is where my heart gets ripped from my chest and I die along with her.

When Jo is comfortable, she asks me to come closer and kisses my lips. Her eyes look deep into me, searching my soul for approval. I don't have it in me to hurt her so I whisper to her ear.

'Wait for me baby, I forgive you and love you with everything I have. Sleep well beautiful' I watch her smile as a single tear drops from those beautiful blue eyes. Her medication is administered as I watch on in absolute horror and sadness as I see my girl slip away peacefully.

I sit for hours, watching her sleep as such. Her beauty still as much as it was whilst she was breathing. I feel numb, the loss is so much more than I could ever imagine, the physical pain in my chest knocks me sick. When a nurse comes to suggest me leaving. I lean in and hold my girl once more, kissing her cold lips and dropping a single tear on her cheek as I stand to leave and exit the building that took my wife. I want to burn it to the fucking ground. When I look to the hire vehicle I see Felix who bounds to me as I fall to my knees in front of him, my gut aching from the sobs that escape me.

'Why are you here' is all I can croak as he holds me to comfort me.

'Hero, Jo made sure that you aren't alone. She has many things in place to ensure you survive this and make her proud. Trust me brother, she thought of everything to keep you living. Just wait, you'll see. She truly is an angel' he smiles, his words comfort me beyond belief.

Even now, even after everything she endured she made sure to keep me safe once she left.