Herophine - Short Stories

Netflix And Chill (2)

It's been a week since I ended the call with Hero and blocked his number. 7 days, 168 hours have passed by without speaking to him, it has been one of the longest weeks of my life or atleast it feels that way. It's taken all my self control to refrain from hearing him out, I'm not ready to hear his words of apology or explanation on his shitty behaviour. I'm pissed off, he needs to know that I'm not that girl, the one who will forgive quickly and forget this kind of crap. That's not how life works, you fuck up you pay the price no matter how charming or beautiful you may be, even if your Hero fucking Fiennes Tiffin. It doesn't mean I don't want to, I miss him, I miss our time spent facetiming and laughing for hours on end but for now I'm sticking to the silent treatment.

To explain my current dilemma, here is some background on the situation. I was instantly attracted to Hero from our first meeting, I mean look at him for one but what was even more attractive was the way he carried himself and treated others, I noticed early on that he had a good heart. He would make a conscious effort to talk to everyone from Co-stars to kitchen staff, never treating one better than the other. I liked how equal he made everyone he met feel. That in itself is a lovely trait to have. I also loved his humour, he was the London boy with a spunky personality and beautiful accent, he made everyone smile without trying so it seemed, he made everyone feel liked and if he saw someone having a bad day he would do something to change it. Hero went out of his way to make sure everyone had a better day, never letting life get you down for to long. I know this first hand, not only did I watch him in action, I experienced it. I had some bad news whilst on set, family stuff. I couldn't shake how upset I was feeling, being so far from home but when Hero knocked on my trailer door with a cupcake in hand I couldn't help but smile. That day he made sure I wasn't left alone, he followed me around trying to make me laugh and even took me to the lake where we filmed that scene from After. He took me there to talk, if I wanted to. We sat in silence for ages, he sat beside me never pushing for me to open up but letting me know I could, that he would listen when I was ready to speak. That's when I realised he was special, that was where we shared our first kiss as Hero an Jo.

Over the weeks we grew closer, spending more and more time together. We got to know each other, the real versions of ourselves and it felt amazing to be myself around him. I wasn't nervous, I didn't second guess what I said because he makes me feel at ease. Hero is one of the kindness people I have ever met, he still has some edge which makes him even more perfect. We aren't dating, not officially but we are headed into that direction or so I thought. What he said to his friends was utter trash, none of it true. The most Hero and I have ever done is kiss, well that and fake sex on set. But now, I can't help but question if the guy I was with is actually him. Did the mask slip and I caught a glimpse of the actual Hero? 8 thought he was different, one of the good guys but that bullshit on the phone has made me doubt anything nice I ever saw him do and I hate it. I hate that I am in turmoil over who he really is because he made some lame comment about us. That he degraded me and made me feel small with his words.

When he realised I was still on the call he grabbed the handset and I saw him practically run from that room, I can't forget the way his face looked when he pleaded with me to talk it through with him, his eyes were sad and his complexion paled as reality of what he did set in. Good, I hope he felt like shit, I hope he felt like I did in that moment. He joked with his friends at my expense, he lied about us and made me feel insignificant and worthless, just some girl to be gossiped about. It fucking hurt, it still does. I need time to process how I feel before I attempt to speak with him. My current mind set is to ignore him, go on the tour and leave again without communicating with him. I didn't realise he was so immature, I hadn't seen this side to him before. I don't know if I can forgive him for this, I sound dramatic I know but the way I was left feeling makes it hard to move past this, to give him back the trust he threw away. What he did was wrong and one thing I am good at is holding a grudge, I never allow people to treat me badly a second time, it's just not who I am.

I have thought of nothing but him for the past week, he has took up residency in my mind and won't budge. I get it, I know that guys can be jerks but I hoped he didn't come into that category. Hero hasn't shown me anything other than kindness and respect, then threw it all away in one remark. And for what? To look cool in front of his mates? It's pathetic. I'm going back and forth with my head and my heart, this is driving me insane. The logical part of my brain is telling me to call him, hear him out, everyone makes mistakes but the other half of my brain has its guard up, telling me to forget all the good and focus on this, the bad. I don't know what to do.

Today is Sunday. Our day. I've paced my room so much I think I may fall through the floorboards. Why do guys drive us so crazy! We all have this idea of what we want, the well rounded guy with humour and looks, driven, kind hearted but still tough enough to make our knees weak. We have this mental image of how we will be treated by them, a bubble of what if's and I wishes filling our heads. Hero had all of those qualities but I didn't allow for cockiness or arrogance. No one adds those to a list of wants, maybe that's unrealistic of me to have such high expectations of someone when I have flaws of my own. Maybe I should just call him up, forgive him for his words and move past this. I want to, I really want us to go back to where we were ask him not show me the ugly side of himself.

As you can see, I am a chronic overthinker. A blessing and a curse you could say. I adore aspects of this personality trait and dispise others. Overthinking makes everything harder than it should be, it takes time from you that you never get back and it causes you to be the biggest critic in your own life. I've watched so many movies this week, to keep my mind busy. Something all these films seem to have is an honest amount of fuck ups, he fucks up, she fucks up, they make up to break up and so on. Maybe it's how life goes, the way it has always been and will continue to be. Maybe I should just remove the stick from up my ass and call him....... Fuck It! Man up Jo. You can sit sulking about it or you can tell him that it's not acceptable and move past it. Give him the opportunity to explain atleast.

I grab my phone before I talk myself down and unblock his contact. I hit the green call button and wait anxiouslyk for him to pick up, I have no clue what the hell I'm going to say but I am embracing my spur of the moment whim, plus I miss his voice more than I wish to admit. Damn cute London guy making me irrational! When the call rings out and gets picked up by voicemail I mentally slap myself for my moment of weakness. Now I feel like an idiot. I haven't acknowledged him for a week, of course he wouldn't ignore me. Another flaw I have is impatience. I sit tapping my finger int he screen as if summoning a call back, when the phone rings I jump at my mystical powers but soon laugh at the absurdity that I had any way encouraged this. When I see Hero flashing across the screen I answer quickly.

'Hey' is all I say.

'Hello? You trying to reach Hero?' the thick accented voice asks. The background sounds busy, like a party or something and I struggle to make out his words.

'Yes, is he there please?' I ask politely.

'Urm, he was but he is now otherwise engaged my love. I can ask him to shout you when he gets back if you want?' says the voice. I freeze, overthinking overload. My silence had one affect on him, to move on I guess. I pause before speaking and try to compose my self. I don't want to breakdown to a stranger and I don't need anymore details either.

'No, it's OK. Don't worry. Thanks' I end the call quickly and through my phone across the bed in a rage. How could I be so stupid to think he would be as upset by this as I was. He said it, he caused it and my tantrum only pushed him further away from the guy I had been getting to know. Whoever she is, she's welcome to him. They can Netflix and Chill however much they want. I silently cuss him out as tears form in my eyes. Another downfall to guys is we let our heads come to the worst possible conclusion, only this time my gut is backing it up.

I block his number again, deciding to be done with all this drama. I have other things in life to occupy the Sundays we spent together. I text my best friend Elle and arrange to meet up for drinks. Two can play at this game. Hero who? I laugh as I get my ass up and decide to shower. Once I have washed off the upset I had an omhour ago, I start to make my face up. I haven't been out in ages, all my free time was spent talking to him. I glance in the mirror and like the reflection. I look put together, not at all how I really feel on the inside but decide to continue and pick out something nice to wear. Opting for a maroon camisole and black leather effect leggings with some heels. Not bad for a last minute night out. As I grab my bag shoving my phone and keys inside I take a deep breathe. Tonight is about you Jo. Forget him I say as I lock up, making my way to Elle.