Our Little Forever ➳ Camila Cabello

thirty-four

"Great interview as always." Scooter said as we moved in to do our little handshake.

"Thanks Scoot." I said with a half smile.

The thoughts of what I did in my bathroom made me feel bad. I mean, my mind isn't on the girls now but it's on me. I keep looking for that new thrill that will help me forget about everything but this is gonna be harder to hide. The pulsing pain in my arms is enough to make me want to crawl under a rock for even thinking this was a good idea. On the other hand, it was nice. Nice to find out that there's other alternatives to forgetting.

I just hope that none of the girls find out.

I got into the Escalade to start on my way to the venue. I was dreading this venue for one reason. Scooter was having me wait backstage for the girls to finish rehearsals before I could do my own sound check. I'd be able to hear the girls but there'd be no way to get to them.

I stared out of the window and waited until the venue expanded in front of me as we got closer. I was dropped off at the back where Big Rob was waiting. I gave him a big bear hug feeling myself get slightly emotional.

He wrapped his arms around me happily, "Been a while." His deep voice boomed. I let go and he grabbed my hand to guide me through the mazed hallways as always, "How've you been?"

I shurgged not really knowing how to respond, "Fine. You?"

He chuckled, "I'm not liking some of the things that's happening lately. Especially you lying."

"When did I lie?"

"Just now when you said you were fine. If someone took my four friends and a wife away from me, I'd be worse than fine. I don't think I'd know what to feel." He honestly spoke. That's why I like Rob. He's not afraid to say what I'm thinking.

"You're right." I admitted, pushing my hair back before we walked into my dressing room, cut off from the other girls so there'd be no chance we'd run into one another, "I guess I'm not really sure how to cope with all of this."

"Don't beat yourself up about it." Rob continued before grabbing the door handle to shut me in, "I'm sure no one is able to cope with this. Including me."

"Thanks Rob." I said with a sincere smile and he nodded before leaving me alone in this big room.

My frown formed instantly when I noticed how quiet it was. I was used to having everyone and their Mom's in one room. I miss my Mom. Not the biological one. The real one. My twenty-two year old Mom.

I can't help but get worried when I think about her and that big hoodie. She didn't even want to look at me. It was defeating. Her skin wasn't glowing. She wasn't the sunshine I knew and loved. I just want her to be okay.
--

After my performance, I had ten minutes to get ready to go see the girls perform. That was the only way I'd be able to have them in my life for now even though it would be on a stage fifty feet away from me. I sat in my seat and waited patiently for the show to start.

Lights flashed and the girls appeared in a striking pose. Fangirls screamed at the top of their lungs when the girls were in their sight of vision. I couldn't help but laugh at the blood curdling sounds.

The music got louder as the girls turned around to perform. If I was just a fangirl, I would've thought they were all exhausted but happy to perform. But I'm not just a fangirl. I know them better than I know myself and they didn't look happy. They looked miserable. Almost as if they were forced to put on a smile and go on stage.

The stinging sensation in my arm started to bother me again so I took off my jacket to softly massage the broken skin.

Songs came and went before the girls sat down on their stools and the audio to 'Who are You' began playing.