Our Little Forever ➳ Camila Cabello

fifty-three

Y/N took me to her dressing room and closed the door. She sat me down and stood in front of me.

It was quiet for a while until I found the need to speak up and break this terrible silence.

"Babe, what's happening?" I asked after gulping down what little bit of spit I had in my mouth.

She licked her lips and looked at me before coming to sit down on the coffee table in front of me and grabbing my hand. "We need to talk."

"If this is about yesterday, I promise, it won't happen again. I was just seeing what it was like and I swear all of that is over. I mean-" I started mumbling uncontrollably because I wasn't sure what Y/N was going to say. In all honesty, she acted like she was breaking up with me and I didn't want that to happen.

"Stop." She laughed with a soft smile forming on her face but her eyes were still just as sad as they were on stage. Her hand caressed mine and her eyes dropped down to our hand's embrace. "Demi is taking me to get some help."

"Is this about what I did?" I could feel the emotion begin to rise within me.

"Yes and no." Y/N answered back with gravel in the pit of her voice. Her lack of eye contact made me realize how nervous she really was, "After I saw that I didn't want you to hurt yourself, but that night, I started thinking. I took a few pills and felt nice but it didn't satisfy me like it had before. It honestly made me think about the worst." Y/N started to get more emotional which scared me yet intrigued me. It was good to see her act like she had emotions again, but at what cost. "What if you would've hit a vein or something else? What if you would've liked the feeling and started doing this to yourself? What if you got lost in the darkness like I did but never come back? I don't want to have this feeling of knowing that I could lose you like you've felt when you thought you'd lose me."

"So, you're leaving me?" I chewed on my bottom lip to keep it from trembling as my eyes brimmed with tears.

She nodded, "Only for a little while but Demi says it'll be good. She says that the feeling of ease I get from the help she had is amazing. I want that. I want to be able to be perfectly happy with myself without relying on anyone or anything else."

"But I don't-"

"Shh-" She insisted softly, "I won't be gone forever. Just a little while but that brings me to this." She cleared her throat and her her hand on my cheek to assure that we were now both looking at each other. "I won't be here to help you with the girls or this drama with Taylor. I can't protect you right now. So, it's up to you to choose the right thing."

"I don't know what that is." I cried, with a tear dropping down my cheek.

"Yes you do." She responded with a smile. "You're just not putting it into focus but at the end of the day, you'll be courageous enough to stand up for what's best for you. Just remember that there are millions of fans that are here for the five of you. They love you all unconditionally and dedicate their lives to you. Sure, Taylor could expand that feeling for you but you know where you belong. You just need to let your heart decide where you'd really be happier."

Demi walked into the room, "Y/N, we have to leave or we'll miss the plane."

"No, please." I begged, clutching my wife's hand.

"I'll be there in a second." Y/N told Demi causing the woman to leave the room.

My wife pulled me as she got up. Her hands wrapped around my waist and I did the same to her. The warmth we had together was better than anything I could imagine and I didn't want to let her go.

I placed my head on her chest and heard her heart as it raced to a high bpm while she brushed through my wavy locks.

"It'll be okay." She said and I could feel the vibration through her chest. "I promise."

I pulled my head away so I could look her in the eyes. Even she was tearing up. I could tell this was hard for her, too.

She kissed my forehead before pulling away and grabbed my hand, "Let's go." She whispered to me softly.

The girls were all waiting outside of the room in a line with the saddest expressions. Y/N pulled her hand away from mine and I automatically began feeling the need to hold her again. I didn't like being split up from her anymore.

She gave Dinah a hug and a kiss and whispered something in her ear. She continued to do this until she reached Ally at the end who was emotionally unstable.

"Mama, please don't cry." Y/N begged, using her thumb to wipe the tears out from under Ally's eyes so she wouldn't ruin her make up, "This will all be good for us. You'll see."

As she was about to leave, I grabbed her waist and pulled her into one last hug. Y/N snuck her hand out of my embrace and nudged my chin up to connect our lips together for a long passionate kiss. After that kiss, she left me with one more peck and smiled, carefully retracting my hands from her waist. "Now, don't fall in love with anyone else while I'm gone."

I giggled lightly in response even though I was a crying mess, "Don't worry. I'll be waiting patently for you to come back from war."

Demi hooked her arm with Y/N and they both strolled down the hall in complete silence until they were out of sight from us.

As soon as she was gone, I began breaking down at the fear of the unknown.

I know this will be good for her but I didn't mean to make her leave me. That wasn't what any of this was about. What's worse is that now that she's gone, I'll have to defend myself against the girls and their cruelty.

Not to mention the fact that now I feel as though I have no choice but to go against the people I've grown so close to in the past three years for a girl who could expand the possibilities of a whole new career. A life that I had dreamt about ever since I was little. A life I never thought I could have when I was in Cuba.

Luckily enough, the girls pulled me into the middle of a group hug and did their best to calm me down before Big Rob came into the hall.

"What just happened?" He asked, just as clueless as many people were right now.

Normani turned and whispered, "Y/N is gone."

"Gone?" He replied in a small voice.

"I'll tell you about it later." Mani told him, laying her head on my shoulder.

"Well, we got to get you girls to the stage." Rob's voice was a little shaken but I'm sure it's because he didn't fully understand what she meant by 'gone'. I'm also sure the big group hug of sad girls didn't help his imagination either.

--

The performance went by and even though the crowd was absolutely fabulous, I wasn't fully there. I'm sure everyone could tell.

I was more pissed off than anything when we had to sing Who Are You. It was a stupid fucking song that brought out the worst emotions in me. And why was I mad? I don't know. Maybe it's because I've officially pushed Y/N so far away that she gets the help she needs but it's not from me.

Recently, I have been living in reality. I used to always dream and have this beautiful essence in my soul. I used to live in a fantasy world and I miss that. I miss taking Y/N with me on trips to the moon and back.

Maybe that's what we lost. Our fantasy world. We lost it within the secrets and the pain.

After the show, I was huddled up in my bunk when I got a text from my baby.

My Jack Dawson: Dems promised she would update you about me as much as you wanted her to. + she said I should be out in a few months so will you tell Mikey so he doesn't get worried.

Meee!: of course I will baby. I love you and I can't wait to see you again xo

My Jack Dawson: I love you too. hope the show was good. I have to give my phone away but I'll talk to you as soon as I can :) remember what I said... make a good choice.

Meee!: I'll do my best for you 💗

'My Jack Dawson read this at 1:56 am'

And with that there were no more replies.

I knew I had a big choice to make for the sake of the girls and I. I just wasn't sure which one was the best yet.