Swan Song: Part One

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Your plan of getting Dean to trust you again isn't going so well. He won't even look at you, much less be in the same room as you. The only way he's willing to work with you right now is because you're dealing with the devil, and he knows your magic will come in handy. It's kind of hard to get him to trust you when he won't even give you the time of day.

Instead, you decide to rant to Sam about what's been going on since he's on your side. He's the only one right now who you can freely talk to about this. Your dad would only try and side with Dean since they were close growing up.

"I acted on impulse, Sam. I never should have done what I did," you whisper painfully.

You and Sam sat on the hood of Baby while drinking alcohol. He had a beer while you had bottled wine. You've had beer before, but you like wine better.

"I know," he nods.

"If I can't defeat Lucifer, Dean's going to leave me. I can feel it. He won't even look at me."

"It's not your responsibility to defeat Lucifer."

"I'm the oldest, Sam. When Dean didn't, I looked after you. Hell, I looked after Dean sometimes. It's why Dean and I don't want you to say yes to Lucifer. I look at you and see the six-year-old boy who was scared to sleep with the lights off. I see the boy who could only fall asleep when I sang to him. I keep forgetting you're an adult now. My maternal instincts started with you, and I regret not passing them onto my daughter. I have to defeat Lucifer if Dean's going to trust me again. I don't know what else to do. I'm losing him."

"We'll figure this out together. You always got me, remember?" he says and brings you into a side hug.

"Yeah, I got you," you sigh lightly and rest your head against his chest and close your eyes.

"Hey," Dean calls as he approaches you two.

You turn back around so that you're facing away from him. You know he's going to talk to Sam and only him. Dean reaches down into the cooler to retrieve a beer for himself. He leans against the passenger's side door with his back turned to both of you.

"Hey," Sam replies. Dean takes a long pause as he plays with the cap of his bottle. "Dean? What's going on?"

"I'm in."

"In with...?"

"The whole 'up with Satan' thing. I'm on board."

"You're gonna let me say yes?" Sam asks, swinging his legs to the side so they are hanging off the side of the car.

"No. That's the thing. It's not on me to let you do anything. You're a grown—well, overgrown—man. If this is what you want, I'll back your play."

"That's the last thing I thought you'd ever say."

"Might be. I'm not gonna lie to you, though. It goes against every fiber I got. I mean, the truth is... it's always been my job to watch after you. But more than that, it's kinda who I am. You're not a kid anymore, Sam, and I can't keep treating you like one. Maybe I got to grow up a little, too. I don't know if we got a snowball's chance. But I do know that if anybody can do it, it's you."

"Thank you."

"If this is what you want... Is this really what you want?" he asks and looks at his brother from over his shoulder.

"I let him out. I got to put him back in."

"Okay. That's it, then," he shrugs and takes another swig of his beer.

If only he can use that logic and reasoning towards you. While you understand the gravity of your mistake, and how it's affecting him, he has to take some initiative towards you. He hasn't even tried to put himself in your shoes which is the most upsetting. It's like he doesn't want to try and work this out—like he's given up on you.

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