TAYLOR'S POINT OF VIEW: After our little family trip to Alaska was over, I was ready to go back home, I was sitting next to my brother hugging his arm with my legs up to my chest. Everyone was asleep even Leo, I put my head on his shoulder. "I wonder what it would be like if we weren't who we are" I said to myself "like it was before, nobody knowing who we are" Leo said putting his head up "have u ever wanted to be normal" I asked "what do u mean normal" he asked "being able to go out and no one know who u are" I said "sometimes, do u" he asked "ya it just gets overwhelming, no one knows how to respect your privacy, that time when Cris hurt his back and we went out it was crazy he couldn't walk like he normally could and it was just madness" I said looking out the window "and it's only gonna get more crazy as time goes on" Leo said "ya I know I just don't know if I'm ready for that yet" I said "I'm here if u ever need anything" he said "ya thanks" I said.
We landed and got our cars home, I was holding Aspen on the drive home "are u ok babe" Cris asked "ya I'm good" I said as we pulled up to the house. Being back home felt good but I still felt like I needed time away. The camera crew is gonna be here in a week to start filming so we can have something to be released this summer, this is gonna be a big change and I'm just gonna have to put my happy face on for a while until I figure out what is going on.
"So we are apparently suppose to have this big storm Thursday" Cris said as we ate dinner "ya I know I seen it on tv and I have a photo shoot that day" I said "I also have training so let's hope it's gonna be canceled" he said "u think they are gonna do that" I asked feeding Lea "ya that seems really far out" he said "ya I think so" I said smiling at him. Once we finished dinner, I helped Cris clean up the dishes then got the kids cleaned up.
"Babe, can I talk to u for a minute" I said sitting on the bed "ya sure what's going on" he said sitting next to me "lately I have been thinking long and hard about this and idk what to do with myself" I said "what do u mean" he asked "I feel like everything is on top of me, I haven't been sleeping right, I have been getting headaches like crazy, my life feels like it's spinning out of control" I said "it's ok everything is gonna go back to normal" he said putting his arm around me "normal we are starting a tv show in a week how is it gonna go back to normal" I said "we can figure this out" he said, I stood up "I'm losing sleep everyday, I'm tired and in pain my legs feel like falling off every time I try walking" I said "do u want to see a doctor I can get someone to come here so u don't have to leave the house" he said "ya ok we can do that" I said "ok I will get someone on the phone and get u an appointment as soon as possible" he said "thank u" I said.
THE NEXT DAY: I was lying on the couch while Cris's team doctor was looking at my legs "ok well u are so lucky u called me when u did" he said "why" I asked "it seems ur immune system is eating away at ur legs" he said "what" I said covering my legs up with a blanket "we caught it early so it will be easy to treat u do have rheumatoid arthritis" he said "what is this gonna mean when she gets older" Cris asked "all I can say for right now that by the time u are in ur 60s the stairs won't be an option for u" he said.
I was given these big chunky knee braces to wear for the rest of my life along with two kinds of medication. There is a bench in the shower that I was sitting on and started to cry.
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(One on each knee) When I got out I got in bed and just lied there. "Hi beautiful how are u feeling" Cris said getting in bed with me "like I'm falling apart" I said "it's ok, u will be ok I promise" he said pulling me over to cuddle with him.
